Lonely No More

Authors:    angelspike69 and anamcara420

Parts: 6 - 11 (End)

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~Part: 6~

By Wednesday, they had the TV, cable and computer all set up.  Spike had already annoyed him with the loud battle games he played long past sunrise. At dusk they drove to the bar.  Angel was introduced to the regular bartender, an older man who assured him that there were not that many calls for the "frou-frou" drinks, although in summer that would change some. Spike strolled over to where the band was setting up to introduce himself and to find out what type of music they played.  The keyboard player was a music teacher in the high school so he had a broad range of musical knowledge.  The drummer was a history teacher and the bass player worked in the bookshop.  Most of their repertoire was country, most often ballads, but it was interspersed with rock and roll, although heavy metal and the Sex Pistols were not in the mix.  Spike didn't know much country although he could learn it quickly enough.  Unless he could con Angel into buying some, he figured he'd have to use his own money to buy a bunch of country CDs. After about an hour, the band began to play and Spike sang his first song at Duffy's.

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreamin'
I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more.

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely
Means that I don't know.
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune, but
I hear the voices say

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you.

Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more.

There was silence for a long moment when they ended the song and Angel tensed with anger and worry for Spike.  Suddenly the entire room erupted in applause and shouts as most of the patrons stood on their feet in appreciation.  Angel relaxed and looked over at his Childe who had a broad grin on his face and playfully winked his eye at his Sire.

For the next two hours, the band played and sang mostly soft rock and roll music.  Spike explained to the audience that he was new to country music. He promised more country songs for the following night.  To the older vampire pouring drinks behind the bar, it didn't look like it mattered what songs Spike sang, he was that good.

After about a week, Spike noticed that an old man was in the bar most almost every night.  He always sat alone at a table in the back, nursing one beer for hours.  Late one Saturday night on his break, the vampire walked over to him.

"Hey mate.  See you every night.  Like my singin' then?"

The man looked startled that Spike had spoken to him.  "Yeah.  You're okay. You at least can sing."

"Is there a song you'd like to hear?"  Spike asked.

The old man looked at him intently.  "You wouldn't know it."

"Try me.  If I don't know it right off, I can find the music and learn it." Spike smiled at him.

"Don't think the other patrons would like it.  Too old."  The man lowered his eyes.

"Supposed to sing for all the customers mate and you're one of the most faithful."

The man lifted his head.  "The White Cliffs of Dover".  Heard it a lot during the war.  That's World War II son."

Spike grinned at him.  "I know it.  I think the guys'll have to learn it. I'm singin' again next Wednesday."  He heard his bandmates getting ready for their final set.  "Wednesday?"

The old man could not hide his surprise and it took him a moment to respond. "I'll be here."

The vampire nodded and returned to the band.  When he began the first song, he looked over but the old man was gone.  Angel had watched the entire scene and marveled at Spike's ability to connect with people.  He smiled, pushing down the jealousy running through his body.  Spike had always been like that, even without a soul.  People were comfortable with him, all the while he chatted them up before he drained them.  As he said in the hospital after Dana cut off his hands, he enjoyed the rush, the thrill.  He fed, he never tormented, unlike Angelus.unlike him.  Angel pushed those thoughts from his head and enjoyed the music that his Childe was providing.

On the drive home the two vampires continued their verbal sparring over the female bar patrons who had attached themselves to each of them.

"What is it with you Angel?  Ya got pheromes that only attract birds that are small and blonde - Darla, Buffy, Doggirl?"

"At least I have one at a time.  You've got a whole bevy of beauties drooling over you."

"Bevy of beauties!  You ponce!  Sounds like somethin' I would put in that horrible poetry I wrote long ago."  Spike kept saying "bevy of beauties" over and over until Angel pulled the car to the side of the road and growled.

"You say that one more time and you walk the rest of the way home!"

"Fine wanker!"  Spike threw himself over the side of the car and began to walk still muttering "bevy of beauties."

The dark vampire banged his fists on the steering wheel.  After a few moments he calmed down, and began to snicker and mumble.  "Pheromes?!"  He sighed and drove slowly until he came abreast of the annoying younger vampire trudging along the side of the pitch-black road.  The headlights of the Plymouth provided the only light.  "Get in Spike and stop pouting."

"Pouting!  You're the champion pouter Captain Forehead!"

"Spike.  You're not walking on this dark road.  You could get hit."

"Hit?  There's never anyone on this road Angel.  That's why you love it.  No contact.  No danger of getting involved.  Unless of course you're small and blonde."

"Well, you're small and blonde.  Get in so I can get involved."  Angel stopped suddenly when he realized what he said.  "I mean.um."

Spike sputtered out a laugh at the older vampire's discomfort.  "Relax beefcake."  He hopped back into the car and then stared over at Angel.  "I'm not small and my hair is hardly blonde anymore, so I guess I'm safe."

Angel turned his head away appalled at the sudden heat between his thighs. He didn't answer, just put the car in gear and drove quickly to their cabin.

******************************

Over the next few days Spike continued to pester Angel to take him shopping for a motorcycle.  The older vampire kept putting him off saying that he would drive Spike wherever he wanted to go.  Finally Spike had enough.  He called Colin, his drummer, to come pick him up.

As he walked out the door, the younger vampire shouted out.  "We're gonna practice some new songs, git."

Angel began moving toward his bedroom.  "I'll come.just"

"Nah mate.  You'd be bored.  Stay here.  Maybe sketch a bit.  Ta."  Spike replied as he hurried out the door and drove off before Angel could follow.

The younger vampire's departure made him restless.  He went up the stairs to Spike's loft.  His scent was everywhere.  Annoyed with himself for the troubling feelings welling inside, he turned to leave but stopped when he saw the large open window.  The older vampire walked over to it and climbed out onto the flat roof of the carport.  He sat down and tried to relax, determined to allow only good memories of old times and past loves wash over him.  A loud roaring engine disrupted the evening quiet and Spike came tearing up the driveway on a motorcycle.

Any fond thoughts dissipated, replaced with a white-hot anger boiling within him.  He stomped downstairs determined to stay in control.  Spike burst into the cabin.

"Come on Angel.  I'll take you for a spin.  You'll love it..it's.freeing.'

Furious Angel retorted.  "Freeing!  Yeah, until you wrap yourself around a tree and I have to take care of your broken body for months."

All of the excitement fled from the blonde's face and at first he visibly deflated.  But as Angel watched, fury more powerful than his own stiffened Spike's slight body and he hissed.  "I don't know why I.bother.  You should be alone.  You destroy everything you touch!"  He turned on his heel and ran back outside to jump on the bike and thunder away.  Spike tried to force away the hurt he felt at Angel's thoughtless comments, but the pain and anger burned as he rode through the dark.

Angel stood rigid.  Emotions battled each other in his mind and on his face - shock fear, hurt and anger.  He knew Spike was right.  He did destroy everything he touched - the innocents he killed, not just to feed, but to savor the art of their destruction, Drusilla, Spike, the years lost with Connor, the deaths of his friends.  He tried to tell Spike he was better off alone, but he wouldn't listen.  As much as his Childe annoyed the hell out him, he knew he'd miss him if he wasn't around.

Angel wandered down to the lake.  He sat on a fallen log and stared out onto the gently rolling waves crashing against the sand finally giving in to the grief that he had held tightly inside, sobbing as if his unbeating heart could break yet again.  So much loss, the terrible loneliness, the failure of his mission. He didn't even hear the quiet revving of an engine.  He didn't feel Spike until his Childe knelt next to him and took him into his arms.  The two vampires stayed like that without speaking until sunrise tingled on their skin.

Spike whispered.  "Angel, sun's rising.  Come on."

He helped the older vampire get up and they walked back to the cabin without speaking.  Spike led Angel into the bathroom and turned on the water.

"You're all sandy.  Get in the shower."  Angel just stood there, head down so Spike began to unbutton his shirt.  Suddenly Angel broke out of his stupor and grabbed the younger man's hand, looking deeply into his eyes for a long moment.

"Hot water'll run out.  Get in."  Spike said biting his lip as he saw the intensity of feeling in Angel's smoldering eyes.

The older vampire lowered his gaze, nodded and began to undress himself. Spike turned and left him alone.  Angel stood under the water for a long time.  When he came out wrapped in a towel, Spike was standing in the kitchen in front of the microwave.  Angel went into his room, put on clean boxers and sat on the edge of his bed.  Spike walked in and handed him a mug of warmed blood.  Angel looked up, his eyes filled with terrible pain. "Spike, I.I."

"Don't talk Angel.  You're tired.  Drink this and sleep."  Spike stood there quietly until he finished the blood, then took the mug and turned away.  The tormented vampire whispered his thanks and lay down in the darkened room.

Spike lay awake for a long time worrying about Angel.  The battle against Wolfram & Hart had weakened him.  He seemed to have lost direction, lost his desire to fight for good.  Not for the first time the younger vampire was concerned that his once invincible Sire would give up and walk into the sun and end it all.  Thoughts of tenderly holding his Sire awakened emotions he tried to ignore and his confusion over those feelings kept him sleepless until almost sunset.

*******************************

The following Wednesday, the old man was at his normal table.  Spike walked over to him.  "Say Mate, if I'm doin' a song for ya, how about a name?"

"Bill Reilly."

Spike nodded.  "I'm Spike.  Nickname.long story."

The vampire turned and went over to the members of the band.  They had practiced several songs that were popular in the 1940s as well as some country music.  They warmed up and then Spike walked to the microphone. "We've had a request.  It's an old song.really old."  He winked at Mr. Reilly and began to sing.

There'll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow, just you wait and see.

There'll be love and laughter
And peace ever after
Tomorrow when the world is free.

The shepherd will tend his sheep
The valley will bloom again
And Jimmy will go to sleep
In his own little room again.

There'll be bluebirds over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow, just you wait and see.

Once again there was complete silence in the pub at first and then Mr. Reilly and a few other older patrons began to applaud and everyone else joined in.

"Okay, that was memory lane.  Now we'll go upbeat and country with Toby Keith." Spike told the crowd and their response showed where their tastes lay.

*****************************

When the vampires got to work on Friday night there was a large crowd.  The tables surrounding Mr. Reilly were filled with patrons around his age.

Angel whispered with a grin.  "Fan club Spike?  Not your usual groupies."

Spike glared at the older vampire.  They snarked constantly at each other about the lovely young girls who hung near each of them while they worked. As if on cue, a dark haired young woman dressed as skimpily as allowed walked toward them.  She smiled up at the blonde vampire and put her arm through his and pulled him away.  Spike felt Angel's eyes boring into his back.  He accompanied the "chippie" to a table crowded with other young things, each one prettier than the last.  He spoke a few moments and then turned to join the band.  He saw Mr. Reilly waving and strolled over.

"Brought a few friends Spike.  No one else around here can sing the old songs."  The old man smiled.

Spike nodded to everyone and saw the expectant, perhaps hopeful, expressions on their faces.  "We've learned a few more old tunes, perhaps not the ones you want."

An elderly woman named Rose smiled broadly.  "Anything from the forties is good for us."  The others all agreed.  Spike noticed one man in the back was studying him intently.  The vampire turned and went over to the band.  He took the microphone and spoke to the crowd.

"We're gonna play a few more old songs tonight, but we'll begin with something from Rascal Flatts."  The younger members of the audience shouted in appreciation as Spike began to sing.

When you light those candles
Up there on that mantel setting the mood
I just lie there starring silently
Preparing to love on you.

Well I can feel the heat from across the room
Ain't it wild what a little flame
Can make you want to do.

I melt every time you look at me that way
It never fails any time any place
This burn in me is the coolest thing
That I've ever felt
I melt.

Don't know how you do it
I love the way I lose it every time
What's even better is knowing
That forever you're all mine.
The closer you get the more my body aches
One little stare from you is all it takes.

I melt every time you look at me that way.
It never fails any time any place
This burn in me is the coolest thing
That I've ever felt.
I melt.

The band went right into an old song, made new by Bobby Darren - "Mack the Knife."  For the next hour they played a blend of old-old, country and rock and roll to an enthusiastic audience.  When they stopped for a break, Mr. Duffy hurried over to Spike.

"Boy, you're great.  The take when you're here singing is double what it is the other nights!"

Spike smiled.  "Thanks. Glad it's goin' well."  He looked over and saw that Angel had left the bar and was walking outside.  The younger vampire followed him.

Angel turned around and spoke. "Mr. Duffy's happy I guess?"

"Yeah.  He is."

"You've made those old folks happy too.  Don't guess there's many places that play forties music."

"Probably not.  Maybe in Chicago."  Spike responded.  He had been bugging Angel for weeks to go to Chicago but so far the older vampire resisted. Although he had the motorcycle, he didn't feel like going into the city alone.

Angel turned around to look into Spike's blue eyes.  Spike stared at his Sire.  Jolted by the intensity of their gazes, they both looked away quickly.  Angel spoke first.  "We're off next Saturday.  Duffy has an Irish band coming in for the weekend.  We could drive in after we get off on Friday and stay over."

Spike was gobsmacked.  He never believed Angel would agree to go to the city.

Angel laughed at the look on his Childe's face.  Without thinking he reached out and put his hand around Spike's neck, rubbing his thumb against his skin.  When Spike stiffened he realized what he had done and drew back. "I'd .I'd better go back in.  Jack'll need help with this big crowd."  He turned away and hurried into the bar.

Spike's body trembled slightly after Angel's touch.  Unbidden, an image of Angel raining soft kisses on his naked skin, caressing his thighs before. He shook himself, ignored his body's reaction, and returned to the band for his final set.

Both vampires were a bit tense on the drive home and neither spoke.  When they entered the cabin Angel walked quickly toward the bathroom, speaking over his shoulder.  "Gonna stand under the shower for a while.  Muscles are stiff.  Probably from carrying those cases of beer."

Spike didn't answer.  He just went out onto the deck and took out his cigarettes.

~Part: 7~

On Friday night the crowd in Duffy's was even larger and Spike began the evening with a rousing song by Gretchen Wilson, "Here for the Party." By the time he got to the chorus almost everyone in the bar was singing along.

Well I'm an eight ball shooting double fisted drinking son of a gun
I wear my jeans a little tight
Just to watch the little girls come undone
I'm here for the beer and the ball bustin' band
Gonna get a little crazy just because I can.

You know I'm here for the party
And I ain't leavin' til they throw me out
Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some
You know I'm here, I'm here for the party.

As he sang, Spike moved from the stage and started roaming amongst the patrons, flirting with them, sitting in their laps.  The crowd ate it up.

I may not be a ten but the girls say I clean up good
And if I gave 'em half a chance for some lousy romance
You know they would
I've been waiting all week just to have a good time
So bring on them cowgirls and their pick up lines.

You know I'm here for the party
And I ain't leavin til they throw me out
Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some
You know I'm here, I'm here for the party.

Don't want no purple hooter shooter
Just some jack on the rocks
Don't mind me if I start that trashy talk.

You know I'm here for the party.

They continued with a few songs for the older crowd.  When they sang "Bye, Bye Blackbird, the older patrons joined in.  They finished up the first set with Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and "Till Then," one of their most requested ballads from the World War II era.

Spike left the band and walked outside for a smoke.  He knew someone had followed him and turned to face a stooped old man.

"Hello Spike."

The vampire stared at the man and something familiar pulled at him, but he couldn't grab onto the memory.  "Hi.  Enjoy the show?"

"Yes I really did.  You don't remember me do you?"

Spike peered at him more closely.  Again the tug of the past.  "Can't place ya mate."

"England, 1944, The Hand and Shears."  He replied with a smile.

The vampire wracked his brain.  After Angel had made him leave the sub, he was picked up by a fishing boat from Newfoundland.  He managed to get to Scotland and then headed south. He stayed for a while in North London, near a pub that was popular with the military boys from a nearby US Airbase.  The drunken soldiers were easy pickings.  Suddenly his eyes opened wide. "Joe.Joe Jones?"

The man grinned broadly as Spike reached out to hug him.  "What're doin' here?"

"I live here now, ever since the war.  Met a girl at the USO.  Her dad was a doctor.  Gave me a job at the community hospital."

Spike had shared a table with Joe quite often in the country pub.  The man knew after a few moments that Spike was a vampire.  He was from New Jersey, the Pine Barrens.  He knew about vampires and other demons.  The barrens were a safe haven for them, since the land was uninhabitable and filled with mires and quicksand that kept most humans out.  Unsuspecting hikers, hunters and animals provided food.  As a teenager, Joe had rescued an injured vampire trapped in a bog and learned about the creature as he healed in a secluded cabin.  The vampire made sure the demon community knew the young man was, if not a friend, at least not an enemy.  He had gone to England before the United States had entered the war and became a fighter pilot. Eventually he was stationed with the 8th Air Force, 379th bomber group at a base in Kimbolton Village about fifty miles from London.  He and other airmen patronized the pub, The Hand and Shears in North London, where he met Spike.  Joe managed to secure human blood for Spike, on the promise he would not attack any of the men from the base.

"You look exactly the same except your hair isn't dark.  How did you get here?  Lake Geneva is not exactly a huge metropolis."  The man looked at the vampire expectantly.

"Long story.  I'll tell you sometime.  I'm here with a friend.  We're renting a cabin out on the lake."

"The dark haired man behind the bar?  He's a vampire too right?"

Spike laughed.  "You are good Joe.  Yes.  That's Angel.  We've known each other for a long, long time."

As if on cue, Angel walked outside.  He paused and Spike motioned him over. The older vampire was shocked when he heard the history that Spike had with the older man.  A wave of guilt washed over him as he remembered making Spike get off the boat telling him to try to make it the twenty miles to shore before the sun rose.  He hadn't known if the younger vampire survived until he showed up in Sunnydale. As Spike had said as he climbed the ladder to the top of the sub, he really was a dick.

"You need blood right?  Human or pig?"  Mr. Jones asked.

Angel was so startled he couldn't respond so Spike answered.  "Pig mostly, maybe a human treat once in a while."  Spike felt the older vampire stiffen at the request for human blood, but he remained quiet.

The man nodded.  "Look, I'm retired.  I fish and sit around.  I'll deliver it to your cabin.  Just put a cooler outside."  He reached into his pocket. He found a battered card and wrote his number on it and handed it to Spike. "Call when you need it?  Where are you exactly?"

The younger vampire told him and the older man knew exactly where they were. "Last cabin on the left, set back from the road right?" Spike nodded.  "Need some now?"

"Yeah, thanks."  The vampire replied.

"Put the cooler out when you go home. I'll drop ice and blood by tomorrow." The old man said goodnight, got into his car and drove off into the darkness.

Angel still hadn't said a word.  He turned and looked at Spike, his eyes filled with wonder.  "You amaze me.  I envy your.your way with people."

Spike smiled tapping his finger on the larger vampire's chest.  "See, ya need me ponce.  Break's over, gotta go sing."  They walked back inside, Angel still shaking his head over what had just occurred and refusing to acknowledge the tingling he felt where Spike touched him.

*****************************

Mr. Reilly was as good as his word.  When they awoke near sunset, they found the cooler filled with several bags of pig's blood.  After they ate, they left the cabin and drove into Chicago.  Angel had found a 1950s era hotel, the Ohio House, near the Miracle Mile on the North Side.  He had made reservations using his new credit card.  They arrived, checked in, and left immediately for the Double Door, a club in the Wicker Park section that had live music.  Famous bands such as the Rolling Stones had played there under fictitious names.  Tonight the headliner was a group called the Disco Biscuits from Philadelphia.  Angel spent the evening watching Spike enjoy himself.

When the club closed, the two vampires walked toward the car until Angel grabbed Spike and pulled them both into a small alley.  The younger vampire was about to protest until Angel put his fingers on his lips and hissed. "There are two men standing next to my car.  They seem very interested in it."  Angel peeked out and saw that one man was talking on a cell phone. "Damn.  They've gotta be from Wolfram & Hart.  They recognized my car."

Spike walked further into the alley and whispered in a voice only a vampire could here.  "Angel, we can get out this way."  They hurried onto the next street and picked up a cab to take them back to the hotel.

Spike was furious.  Angel was finally relaxing and now he'd be all tense again.

Angel kept mumbling over and over. "I should have thought...I should have gotten a different car."

"Stop it Angel.  No sense in brooding about it now.  We'll leave it and get another car tomorrow.  They'll think we left it to throw them off.  The cops'll tow it soon enough."

The older vampire's good mood was destroyed both by the loss of his beloved Plymouth and his failure to foresee keeping the car as a danger to them.  He sat awake well past sunrise brooding.  He finally slept until awakened by the aroma of coffee.  Spike was brewing it in the coffeemaker provided in the room.

"Want some?  Or do ya want blood?"  He asked his groggy companion.

"Um.nothing right now.  I'll get a shower."

Spike slammed down his coffee cup. "Listen Angel, you're not spendin' the night moping.  There's another band playing at the club tonight and I want to go back.  There's gotta be a used car dealer near here.  We'll get another car."

Angel just nodded and headed into the bathroom.  They left the room shortly after and took a cab to a car dealer that the desk clerk mentioned.  Angel let Spike choose the car.  He paid for the slightly battered red jeep and they drove back to the club.   A band named Maroon 5 was playing.  After they left, Spike kept singing the chorus to their song "This Love."

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore.

Angel said nothing.  He just kept grinding his teeth as he drove back to their hotel.  They stayed in Chicago until Tuesday night.  Spike dragged Angel to every music store he could find and to a Jackie Chan film festival. The older vampire was fine browsing among CDs but he hated the movies. Spike could not hide his disappointment since he liked both the martial art stunts and the comedy.  Although they enjoyed their trip both were happy to return to their cabin.  Angel for the peace it afforded and Spike because he was anxious to get back to the band and his singing.

******************************

"Angel, you hated the movies we saw in Chicago.  It's another like that. Colin likes the same kind of films I do.  Hey.  You can have the whole night to listen to Mozart or whoever."  Spike strode out the door.  A few minutes later the older vampire heard the roar of the motorcycle racing down the road.  He put on Ravel's "Bolero" and sat for a long time staring out at the lake, feelings of jealousy warring with a sense of loss.

Spike was spending many of the nights they weren't working with his bandmates and Angel was rarely invited to join them.  Colin was a budding filmmaker and he and the younger vampire enjoyed watching all types of films.  Angel's tastes were far less eclectic.  He liked the panoramic movies that Charlton Heston was in, like "Ben Hur," Alfred Hitchcock's mysteries, and 1930s Film Noir like "The Maltese Falcon."  He'd seen some newer movies and he enjoyed fantasy like the "Star Wars" series.

He had gone with Spike once to Colin's house and they watched a movie called "This is Spinal Tap."  The drummer, Spike and the others talked and laughed throughout the film leaving him totally confused.  After the film, when he asked them about what he didn't understand, they laughed hysterically and no one really answered his questions.  He felt old and out of touch.  The few times after that when Spike asked if he wanted to join them, Angel had refused.  He sat alone listening to music or watching the DVDs that he bought of those films he liked, his conflicting emotions shattering his solitude.

He must have finally fallen asleep on the sofa and he startled when he heard Spike coming into the cabin. He reeked of beer and cigarette smoke.

"Spike."

The blonde vampire turned and spoke.  "Hey. Really tired, goin' to bed."  He stumbled and fell half way up the steps and Angel rushed over.

Spike growled. "Stop hoverin' ponce.  I can do it."

Stepping back Angel returned the growl.  "You stink. Get a shower before."

"Sod off.  I'll get a bloody shower later."

"Spike."

"Bugger off, Angel.  You're not my keeper.  I like goin' out without you. You don't ever have fun. You're stiff, unfriendly and bloody boring."  The younger vampire turned away and made his way slowly to the bed falling on it fully clothed.

Angel stood there, fury and hurt seething throughout his body.  He turned and climbed out onto the roof. Once again all of the horrors of his life tumbled through his mind especially what he did to Spike.  He knew everything Spike said was true.  How could he have fun.with the threat of Angelus hanging over him, rattling the bars of his prison.wanting out all the time.  He sat looking toward the lake.  Sunrise was about an hour away. He spun around when he heard movement behind him.

Spike stood at the window. "Don't even think it.  You're not going out in that sun.  You bloody bastard.  Leavin' me again.  You're good at that!"

His voice broke and the anger went out of his eyes.  Angel stood up and they looked at each other for a long moment, the distance between them a chasm of hurt and regret.  Angel reached out tentatively and grasped Spike's shoulder.  With his other hand he caressed the younger vampire's cheek as he looked into the blue eyes filled with terrible pain.  Angel lowered his face and kissed Spike deeply.  Spike clasped his hands around Angel's neck and returned the kiss with a frenzied passion.  They slid to the roof without breaking the kiss.  Suddenly they separated and stared at each other, uncertainty on both their faces.  Spike had never been with a man except as Angel's victim.  Angel had never been with a man except in a rage of power.

Spike stammered.  "Angel.I."

Angel pressed two fingers against the younger vampire's lips.  He leaned in and rained gentle kisses on Spike's face, enfolding him in his arms.  He paused and looked into the blue eyes that he had known for a long time; eyes that had looked at him in fear, agony and hatred.  Now they were filled with desire and confusion.

Angel whispered.  "This isn't about dominance Will."

Spike searched the older vampire's dark eyes and saw the same passion and uncertainty that he was feeling.  He traced Angel's face with his fingers and the vampire he knew as his Sire leaned in to his touch, submitting his body as an equal lover.  They came together again, the kisses tender and loving.  Suddenly their bodies tingled from the approaching sunrise.  They rose and went back inside, closing the shutters against the dangerous light. They stood still, both unsure until Angel spoke softly.  "We'll take this.slowly."  He reached for Spike's hand and kissed the palm.  "Goodnight Will."  Then he turned and walked down the steps and into his own room. Spike stood still for long moments, conflicting feelings racing through his body.  Finally he lay down on the bed, fully clothed, closing his eyes but staying awake for hours, recalling what had just happened, remembering the past.  His thoughts brought no answers.  His body yearned for Angel's touch and it terrified him.

Downstairs, the older vampire was tormented similarly - the tenderness and peace he felt while in Spike's embrace, replaced by the nightmares of his past actions toward his Childe.  Neither vampire slept.  When they got up at sunset, both had strengthened the barriers that protected them from hurt, fearing the depth of their need.   They showered, dressed and drank their blood without talking and drove into work in silence.

For the next few days, they went on as if the kisses had never happened; snarking and teasing each other as they had before, going to work.  Then a serious battle erupted over Spike's many purchases from the Internet, using Angel's credit card without permission.

"You have money Spike.  You're getting paid the same as I am.  Use your money for this stuff."  Angel demanded heatedly.

"You selfish sod.  You have tons of money.  The money you stole from Wolfram and Hart and Percy's money."

"I didn't steal money Spike.  I earned it.  I worked long hours.  Did you ever work Spike?  I seem to remember a lot of freeloading, back in the day, in Sunnydale, at the law firm, and now here."  Angel growled.

"Freeloading? I worked, hard.  I helped Buffy.  She depended on me.  I worked with Illyria, getting my head beat in.  And I never got paid for any of it!"  Spike shouted at the older vampire.  "Bugger this. Get stuffed Angel.  I'm going out."  He flew out the door, hopped on his motorcycle and sped off into the darkness.  He stayed away until the following evening.

When he returned, neither of them mentioned the fight, but things were strained between them.  They spoke only to answer a question.  Spike sat out on the deck as long as he could.  Angel stayed inside reading.  Often Spike rode in alone on his bike, going out with his friends after work and coming home much too close to sunrise.  Their new friends noticed the coldness and worried about them.  The small older crowd who came to hear Spike sing their favorite songs watched them and talked among themselves.  Their own children were grown and many no longer lived nearby.  Since they seldom saw their families, they had sort of adopted Spike and Angel.  They knew the flamboyant singer and the dark, handsome bartender had a connection, even if the young men didn't admit it to themselves.  A relationship between men didn't bother them.  A few of them had younger family members who journeyed on that path and although none of them were certain if it was a choice or biology, they just wanted the young people to be happy.  Angel and Spike were kind to the older people that many dismissed or mocked.  They wanted their young friends to have someone in their lives to love, so they wouldn't be lonely.  The older folks knew about being lonely and they wanted it for no one they cared about.

~Part: 8~

Saturday evening Angel was startled by a truck’s approach soon after they returned from Duffy’s.  Spike came rattling down the stairs carrying his duffel.

“Goin’ into Chicago with Colin, Angel.  Some bands we want to hear. Not your type.”  He ruffled through his bag as he spoke, not looking at the older vampire.  Finally he glanced up, smiled and took off yelling, “See ya in a few days.  You can listen to your poncey music in peace.”

Angel said nothing, shocked at Spike’s sudden departure; wounded that he made plans secretly.  The older vampire shoved away the hurt he initially felt and allowed anger full rein in his mind.  He went into his room and packed a bag.  He searched for his cell phone but it wasn’t where he left it.  He scowled and picked up his wallet, checking to see how much cash he had.  There was nothing and his credit card was gone. He stiffened and his anger turned to rage.  Spike expected him to pay for everything – his clothes, his computer, his CDs, their trip to Chicago, the jeep.  The only thing the younger vampire paid for was the motorcycle and Angel had given him money for that too.  The older vampire seethed and cursed.

Since he had not had a bank account for most of his long life, Angel was used to keeping money in the house.  He stomped into his bedroom and went to the closet.  Reaching way back on the shelf, he pulled out the small bag that he had hidden there.  He drew out the suede notebook he had retrieved from the basement of the hotel.  He had bought it for Wesley’s birthday. The former watcher was used to keeping a personal journal and Angel thought he would like to continue.  He untied the book and found the cash he had secreted.  It was a good thing he did, since Spike had left him with nothing else.  He growled and packed quickly, found his keys and drove to Duffy’s.

The barkeep was surprised to see his employee.  “Couldn’t stay away huh?” He smiled at the vampire, but his face turned serious when he saw that Angel didn’t return his greeting.  “What’s wrong Angel?”

The vampire sighed.  “Mr. Duffy, I need to go away for a few days. Will Jack be okay by himself?”

The older man looked at his new friend.  “Is everything all right?  Where’s Spike?”

“Spike went away with Colin.  I…I thought I might go…”

“Did you two have a fight?  You know he’s a scallywag Angel.  I see how he likes to rile people, get them excited.”

Refusing to answer the man’s query, he repeated his request. “Is it okay if I go?  I’ll be back in a few days.”

“Will you come back?”  Mr. Duffy asked quietly.

Angel looked into the man’s eyes and saw his concern.  It reminded him of all of the times Wesley looked at him like that.  He didn’t want to worry the man who had been so good to him.  “I promise.  I’ll be back.  I just need…”

“Wait a minute.”  Mr. Duffy demanded.  He turned and went into the back room.  A few minutes later he came out and handed Angel a set of keys and a sheet of paper.  “I have a cabin in Fisher Creek on Lake Michigan.  Go there for a few days.  Sort things out.  But …”  The old Irish man looked intently at his young friend.  “Go into Chicago.  Have fun.  Don’t stew too long. He’s young and thoughtless Angel, but he’s not… you are good friends, everyone can see that.  You just had a disagreement.  Time apart will…I got that cabin so I could go off once in a while.  I loved my wife, but…sometimes you have to be on your own.”

Angel didn’t know what to say so he took the keys and the directions and attempted a small smile.  “Thanks Mr. Duffy, you’re a good friend.”

The man grinned at him.  “Remember that and come back.”

Angel nodded and left the bar.  He looked over the directions and drove the two hours to the tiny cabin in the woods next to a small river that spilled into Lake Michigan. Although he enjoyed the peace and solitude and walked long hours on the beach after dark, Spike haunted him.  He read but did not open his sketchbook; he knew whose face would stare back at him from the pages. After a few days, he remembered what Mr. Duffy said.  He packed his things and drove into Chicago. He got a room at the same hotel and was surprised when the desk clerk remembered him.

“Where’s your friend, the blonde guy?”  He asked.

“Oh, he’s away with friends.”  Angel took the key and walked to the elevator mumbling how everyone remembered Spike, asked about Spike.  He was certain no one asked about him.  He forced himself out of the self-pity.  Mr. Duffy hired him first and cared enough about him to lend him his cabin.  Spike had to ask for a job. Fiona confided in him about the trials of her love life, not Spike.  Even Jack asked him to stay for a few beers one night after Spike left with his bandmates.  He grimaced.  He was whining, feeling sorry for himself, like Spike did so often.  Shaking his head, he went to his room, unpacked, showered, dressed and went out.  He stopped first at the Double Door.  The Coors were playing.  Relaxing, he ordered a drink.  Spike would never come to hear the Irish band.  He stayed until the bar closed and then hurried back to his room to sleep through the day.

*************************

The next evening, he checked the weekly entertainment guide in his room. The Joffrey Ballet of Chicago was performing Giselle at the Auditorium Theatre.  He called to see if tickets were still available.  The person on the phone told him he could reserve a ticket using his credit card.  He bristled and said that his card had recently been stolen but he would stop by the box office.  He asked if formal dress was required and was surprised at the response.

“Formal dress?  Do you mean a tux?”

“Yes.”  Angel responded.

“God no!  They may do that on the first night when all the millionaire patrons attend, but the rest of the time it’s for normal people.  Jeans and a sweater are fine.”  The young woman replied.

He thanked her and hung up the phone.  He showered and dressed in gray slacks, a crème shirt and black blazer that he had brought with him.  Jeans might be fine in Lake Geneva, but Chicago was a big city. While he was tying his tie, he recalled the last time he had seen Giselle.  Gunn had been furious when Angel returned with tickets for the ballet instead of…he couldn’t remember the name of the band.  He and his friends had dressed formally and gone to the performance.  Cordelia and Fred looked beautiful in their gowns.  At intermission, he had gone backstage to investigate why the ballet was exactly the same as he had seen long ago – same dancers, same costumes, everything.  Cordelia had followed him and …they had been possessed by the spirits of the prima ballerina and her secret lover and…and he and Cordelia had…He moaned at the memory of the brief intimate moments they shared.  He had tried to tell her about his feelings when they returned to the hotel, but the Groosalug had arrived from Pylea and he never got the chance.  Another person lost from his life.

Angel shook the painful memories away, finished dressing and left the room. He thought about driving but figured it would be better to get a cab. He didn’t know the city that well and he wanted to make sure he got to theatre early enough to get a ticket.  When he arrived, he asked about box seats and was surprised that one was available, at a very expensive price.  He found the box and chose a seat in the back row where a curtain would keep him invisible from most of the audience.  Just after the house lights flickered, an older couple entered the box; they nodded to him and sat in the front. The theatre darkened, the music began and the curtain rose on the opening act of the ballet.  Angel sat riveted, allowing the music to wash over him and the beauty of the dancing to soften his bruised soul. 

He didn’t leave his seat during the intermission, just sat lost in thought. The lights darkened and the ballet continued.  He left quickly before the final curtain and hurried to find a taxi, still wary of being seen by someone from Wolfram & Hart.  He got into the cab and asked the driver if he could recommend an upscale bar, not necessarily a restaurant.  Fortunately the man was courteous and knowledgeable about the city and mentioned The Berghoff, a bar that had been in existence since 1898.  Even during Prohibition, the bar stayed open, serving near beer and Bergo Soda Pop. Unable to survive on those sales alone, the owners expanded into a full service restaurant.  After Prohibition ended, the bar and restaurant continued to prosper.  Angel enjoyed hearing the history and told the cabby to take him there.

He gave the driver a large tip and the man asked Angel if he wanted him to come back for him.  The vampire told him to come back in two hours if he could.  Angel went inside and was immediately charmed by the old time feel of the place.  He stood at the end of the bar and observed for a while. When the bartender finally saw him he ordered a beer and found a small table in the back to watch the crowd surrounding him.  After a little while, a waiter asked if he wanted another beer.  He said yes and for the next hour he drank beer and tried to keep thoughts of Spike out of his mind.  Several women smiled at him from their tables.  Their attention cheered him a bit, but he merely nodded and looked away.  He was in no mood for conversation. He checked his watch and saw that it had been almost two hours.  He paid his bill and walked outside, not sure that the cabbie would return.  After a few minutes, he heard a horn and recognized the driver.  He got in and rode back to his hotel, once again tipping the man very well.  He smirked to himself. Everyone always accused him of being cheap.  He wasn’t being tight with his money now.

The next night he went to a Film Noir festival at The Music Box, a theatre built in 1929 that had an organist that played during intermission between films.  He saw Alfred Hitchcock’s Notorious, Suspicion and Rebecca.  He went back the next night to see Dark Passage, The Lady from Shanghai and Laura. It had been so long since he had seen movies in a theatre.  Watching them on television was not the same.

The following night he went to the Green Dolphin Street Club to hear jazz. He didn’t recognize any of the performers, but the music was very good.  The next night he saw a performance of Othello at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre.  The Moor’s suspicion and jealousy made him uncomfortable.  He knew that he shared that trait with the character, but the play was compelling and the Bard’s language was a joy to hear.  He was happy.  He had gone to the ballet and a powerful drama by Shakespeare, watched some of his favorite films and listened to great jazz.  No one he knew would have enjoyed themselves at any of these events.  Spike would have been bored to tears. Angel checked out at dusk the following day and drove to the Double Door, telling himself it was not to see if Spike was there.  A singer named Rob Thomas was performing.  He listened for a while but the longer he sat, the more the man reminded him of Spike – the timbre and raw emotion of his voice.  When the singer took a break, Angel got up to leave.  He stopped in the lobby and asked if the singer had an album.

“An album?  Oh, yes. This is his first solo CD – Something to Be.  If you wait, he’ll sign it for you.”  The young woman smiled up at him.

“No thank you.  I’ll just take the CD.”  He paid the woman and left the club, a refrain of one of the songs repeating in his head as he drove back to Lake Geneva.

I don’t wanna be lonely no more,
I don’t wanna have to pay for this,
I don’t wanna know the lover at my door,
Is just another heartache on my list
I don’t wanna be angry no more,
But you know I could never stand for this,
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure,
I don’t wanna be lonely any more.

*************************

Spike had returned about 2 am Wednesday morning to an empty cabin.  He willed his fear down and walked around the cabin.  Angel’s bag was gone and some of his clothes.  He left no note.  A bit worried, the vampire walked around outside, refusing to believe that Angel would have really sat out in the sun.  He saw no pile of dust anywhere around the house or by the lake. He ran outside and jumped onto his motorcycle racing to the bar.  Mr. Duffy was locking the door when he roared up.  He turned around and smiled when he saw Spike.

“Angel’s not here?”  He asked the older man.

“No, he’s gone away for a few days, like you did.”  Mr. Duffy’s eyes were not friendly.  “He was rather upset Spike, I was concerned.”

“Where did he go?  He didn’t leave a note.”

“He said he had to get away for a few days.  He asked for the rest of the week off.”  The barman waited to see what Spike would say but the vampire merely nodded, mumbled his thanks, got back on his bike and sped away.

Spike returned to the cabin, his fury mounting.  This was Angel’s MO.  He always left without saying anything.  He stomped into the cabin, grabbed his cigarettes and went out onto the deck, listening intently for the sound of the jeep, but there were no sounds except those of the night animals.  He couldn’t sit still.  He went back inside and stalked into Angel’s neat room. He opened drawers and checked in his closet.  He found Wesley’s journal beside the bed.  Angry and worried, he returned to the living room.  Angel had left a few of his sketchbooks on the floor, which in itself was strange since he always put everything away.  Spike threw himself down on the sofa and began to page through the drawings.  Cordelia, Doyle, Fred, Gunn, Wes, Lorne, even Illyria – he had drawn many sketches of his friends.  He kept flipping.  There were none of him.  He threw the book onto the floor and picked up another.  This one contained drawings of Buffy and toward the end, Faith.  Another had drawings of Darla – pregnant – and then many sketches of a baby.  On the last few pages, he saw pictures of a young man, dressed in skins.  It was the boy, Connor, just after he returned from that hell dimension.

He stood and carried his bag up to his loft.  He tossed the duffel on the bed and turned to the window deciding to sit out on his roof to smoke. There were two sketchbooks on the floor next to window.  One of them was small and worn.  He picked them up and climbed out.  He opened the older book first and saw that the pages were almost transparent with age.  It was filled with sketches of him back in the day – mostly naked, stretched in front of the fire, lying on the bed reading.  There were several sketches of him in the big iron tub in the kitchen of the house in London.  He had loved when Angelus bathed him.  He was furious when his eyes filled and tossed the book aside.  The second book was filled with drawings of him too.  There were some of him when he first came to Sunnydale.  Angel captured every emotion – his disappointment that his Sire had a soul and was working with the slayer, his mockery when he had tied him to the bedposts, the fury when he almost staked his Sire, his tenderness with Dru.  The final pages were filled with sketches drawn when Angelus took over Angel’s body.  In these he was tied up, tied down, bent over.  Spike erupted in fury and tore every sketch out of the book, ripping them into tiny pieces as he ranted and cursed.  He stomped down the stairs to make himself blood, muttering and remembering.  He stayed awake all day waiting, even though he knew Angel couldn’t come home in daylight.  But he didn’t come home the next day either.  Colin called to ask if he was planning to sing that night.  Spike said he was.  He showered and dressed with care, determined to be the darling of every woman in the place.

His performance was frenetic.  He sang rock and roll and up-tempo country, no ballads.  He danced around the stage and flirted with all of the women, taking a different one outside after every set.  He did not go near his older groupies who watched the display with deep concern.  He left quickly at the end of the evening, stopping to speak to no one.  Everyone was puzzled at this new Spike and none of them liked the change.  His behavior was the same the next night.  Before he could leave, Bill Reilly came over to him.

“What’s wrong Spike?”

“Nuthin’ why?”

“Spike, I’ve known you for several months.  This is not the man I know.” The older man put his hand on the vampire’s arm.

Spike shook the hand off and almost snarled, “Look, this is me, the real me.”   He turned abruptly and left, hopping onto his bike and tearing out of the parking lot.

*************************

Mr. Duffy, Bill Reilly, Rose and Joe stood looking after him saddened by the change in their friend and concerned about Angel’s long absence.  They all knew that something had happened between the two young men that led to this harsh new Spike.

“Duff, do you know anything?  Where’d Angel go?”  Bill asked.

“All I know is that Spike went off with Colin and the others for a few days. Angel came in and asked for time off.  I could tell he was unhappy.  I sent him up to my cabin for some peace.  It’s been a week.  I thought for sure he’d be back.”

Rose spoke up heatedly.  “I could knock their heads in.  We all know they love each other, why can’t they see it?  They make each other crazy.  They watch each other constantly.  Angel bristles whenever Spike gets near a pretty girl.  Spike practically spits when he sees that Dawson girl sitting at the bar, with those skintight tops and no bra.”

The men laughed but there was no joy in it.  They said goodnight and left, each lost in worried thoughts for their two young friends, wracking their brains for what they could do to help them see how much they meant to each other.

*************************

Spike rode home dangerously fast.  He skidded into the driveway and almost crashed into the jeep.  Angel was back.  Jumping off the bike, he let it fall while he stomped into the cabin.  Angel’s poncey classical music was playing.  Enraged, Spike ran into the older vampire’s bedroom, but he wasn’t there.  He went out onto the deck but the chairs were empty.  Finally he stood still sniffing his Sire’s scent and listening.  He raced up the steps to his loft.  Angel was sitting on the rooftop arranging the torn pieces of the drawings into little piles.

“Where were you?”  Spike demanded.

Angel didn’t turn around but spoke quietly, his jaw clenching.  “I decided that going away alone for a few days was a good idea.”

“You didn’t leave me a note.  I had no idea what happened to you!”  Spike was almost shrieking.  “I thought you left again, like all those other times.”

Angel did not turn around and did not respond.

Fuming Spike grabbed the older vampire and dragged him inside.  “Look at me Angel.”  Angel looked into Spike’s blue eyes flashing with fury.

His own eyes hard, his voice raspy and dangerous.  Angel glared at the younger vampire as he answered.  “Oh, it’s okay for you to just leave suddenly, but not me?  Why?  Because you need me.  You are dependent on me, as always.  You get to fly off with your friends and I’m supposed to wait here in case you decide to spend time with me or in case you get into trouble?  You get a paycheck from Mr. Duffy, but you took my money and credit card.  Saved the world did you?  I heard you telling Fred you just stood there and let the flames come.  You didn’t have to do anything.  You just waited for the fire to take care of everything.  That’s what you do Spike; wait to be taken care of.”

The older vampire looked at the shock on his Childe’s face and waited for the angry torrent of words that would surely come.  But Spike just stared and said nothing.  He turned and walked down the steps.  Angel followed and spun him around, holding his shoulders tightly.  His voice low and full of emotion, he continued.

“You know why I left Spike.  I had a soul, Darla threw me out.  She was my Sire and she made me leave.  Why would I think that you would want me?  I came back in China because I was desperately lonely.  I missed my family, but my soul tortured me.  Even though I killed only criminals, it burned inside me.  You were so proud and happy that you killed the slayer.  I couldn’t celebrate with you.  Darla demanded that I drain an innocent baby. I know I did in the past, but I was no longer Angelus.  I no longer belonged with you.  I no longer belonged anywhere.  I thought Darla would tell you about my soul.  I expected you to sense it.  It didn’t occur to me that you would not learn the reason I left.”

Finally the angry blonde vampire responded, snarling.  “Oh woe is me.  I have a soul.  I’m no good.  Well that doesn’t work Angel.  I have one too. I am sorry for what I did back in the day.  But I was a soulless demon doing demon things.  I’ve been doing good for a while now.  Not that it’ll ever balance the scales, but it’s something.  I don’t hate myself.  I don’t push everyone away.  I expect you to take care of me?  You want everyone to feel sorry for you.  Oh poor Angel he is so sad.  That worked with Buffy and your other friends.  It doesn’t work with me.  I know you.  You are a brooding, self-centered…Enough.  The past is past.  I want to try to have a happy life, have fun, enjoy my friends and I can’t with you hovering like some black cloud over me.  We’re done Angel.  I won’t live your way and you can’t live mine.”  Spike shrugged away from Angel and strode outside.

“Who’s leaving now Spike?”  Angel shouted, the roar of the motorcycle swallowing his words.  He stood and watched his Childe hurtle down the road.

Angel went back inside the cabin.  Spike’s scent was everywhere.  The silence was oppressive – no computer games with deafening sound effects, no clicking of the remote switching channels incessantly, no blaring music reverberating throughout the rooms.  It was too quiet, too lonely.  Although he had lived alone for a long, long time, he had gotten used to having people around him.  He sought Fred out in her lab, pretending of course that he was acting as a boss and checking up on things.  He worked with Wesley doing research and sat with Gunn talking about cases.  He even dropped by Lorne’s office occasionally knowing that the green chanteuse would make him laugh.  He had spent hours watching Spike battle with Illyria, often secreting himself behind the two-way glass to the side of the training room, so the younger vampire wouldn’t know he was there.

He couldn’t bear the quiet anymore.  The words he hurled at Spike played over and over in his mind, torturing him.  He did push people away.  He hid from everyone and allowed thoughts of his horrible past to torment him.  He had lost hope when they first came to Wolfram & Hart but regained a little when they all worked together.  And then…Fred.  He couldn’t save…he chose not to save Fred.  He fought the Senior Partners and decimated the Black Thorn, but at what cost?  He murdered Drogyn.  All of his friends died. Everyone but Spike was gone and now he was pushing him away.

Finally he realized his need for his Childe.  He could not…would not live without Spike.  Somehow they had to manage their differences…they had to stay together.  Angel spun around and hurried back outside.  He jumped into the jeep and headed down the road hoping to find Spike, to apologize for all that he said.  To ask…to tell his Childe how much he needed him.  Angel wasn’t really watching the road.  His mind was on what he had to say when he found Spike and worried that the younger vampire would not feel the same. Finally bringing his attention back to his driving, he was shocked to see a deer in the middle of the road.  Angel swerved to avoid hitting the animal but he pulled the wheel too hard and he was going too fast.  The jeep careened out of control, left the road and rolled down the hill.

~Part: 9~

Spike tore up the road away from the cabin, raving mad.  Once again Angel had gotten to him; had made him feel like shit.  His Sire was good at that. Long ago he had made him feel desired and.and beautiful.  Spike had searched for him after he had left them in Romania.  He was heartbroken despite Angelus' brutal beatings.  His Sire was always so loving afterward.  He tended to his wounds and held his battered Childe in his arms.

Spike realized that he was distracted and not paying attention to his driving.  He pulled the bike off the road, got off and took out his cigarettes.  He heard the jeep and saw the deer rush into its path.  He watched in horror as the driver lost control of the vehicle and it tumbled down the hill.  Spike hurried down the hill, slipping and tumbling over brush and rocks.  The jeep was crushed against a tree.  Spike peered inside. He was shocked to see that the driver was Angel.  He saw that Angel's body was pinned between the seat and the dashboard; his bloody head resting against the crumpled doorframe, one arm bent awkwardly in front of him. Spike pulled on the door frantically, but even his vampire strength couldn't budge it.  He sniffed and realized that gasoline was leaking from the damaged vehicle.  He tried again to open the door and could not.  Tears of frustration and fear coursed down his cheeks.  He pulled out the cell phone and called Mr. Duffy who promised to come right away with help.  Cursing, he ran to the back of the jeep.  The canvas top was ripped and he tore it more. He reached in and yanked one of the back seats out, tossed it away and heaved himself inside.

"I'm here Angel.  Gonna get you out."  The older vampire made no sound or movement.

Crawling toward the front of the jeep, he struggled to reach the seat belt that held Angel.  Using every ounce of his strength, he finally wrenched it free.

*************************

Patrick Duffy was stunned after Spike's phone call.  He immediately called Bill Reilly, told him where the accident was and asked him to call Joe Jones.  They got to the scene within 10 minutes.  The men were horrified as they looked at the twisted wreckage.  Concerned with the smell of gasoline, they knew they had to work quickly and the three of them staggered hurriedly down the hill to join Spike.

"Spike?  Spike?"  It was Joe's voice.

"I'm in the jeep.  Can't get the door open.  I have to pull Angel out through the back."

Spike tried to ease Angel out of the seat, but he was pressed too tightly against the steering wheel.  Mr. Duffy climbed into the jeep.

"I'll wiggle into the front and hold onto him.  You tear out the seat."

Spike yanked and pulled and finally lifted the seat away from the older vampire's body. He lay down and Mr. Duffy lowered Angel on top of him. Spike held him with one arm and scooted backwards.  Joe grabbed his shoulders and drew him out.  Bill took his feet and they lowered both of the vampires to the ground.  They lifted Angel off Spike and placed him gently onto a board that Bill had laid on the ground.  Mr. Duffy covered Angel with a blanket and the men carried the unconscious vampire up the hill and put him carefully on the bed of Bill's truck.  Spike jumped in and held onto Angel as they drove to the cabin.  The men helped Spike carry Angel into his bedroom.  They lowered the board to the bed and then slowly lifted Angel off.

"What do you need us to do now Spike?"  Bill asked.

"He needs blood, human blood to start the healing."  Spike spoke without thinking, then realized what he said and stiffened.  Joe knew they were vampires, but the others didn't.

Joe placed his hand on Spike's shoulder and spoke quietly.  "Bill, Pat and Rose know that you are vampires.  I told them your story, about the souls and all.  They are your good friends."

Spike looked up at the men, his eyes glittering with tears and nodded.

"I'll go get the blood Spike and be right back.  Can I get Rose?  She could help cleaning the wounds and bandaging."  Joe asked.

Spike merely nodded, unwilling to tear his eyes from Angel.

"Spike, Bill and I will arrange for a tow truck to retrieve the car.  You'll call us if you need us right?"  Mr. Duffy asked.

Again the blonde vampire merely nodded.  Finally the humans left and he had Angel to himself.  He took off his duster and climbed carefully onto the bed.  He vamped and ripped open his wrist.  He sucked blood into his mouth, opened Angel's mouth and dripped in the liquid.  Angel didn't swallow and the blood dripped from his mouth.  Patiently Spike tried again, this time stroking Angel's neck.  Angel still didn't swallow.  He tried several more times, but the older vampire wouldn't respond.  Spike was terrified.  If he couldn't feed his Sire, he wouldn't recover quickly.  He might not recover at all.  He heard voices from the living room.  Rose and Joe came into the room.

Through his tears, Spike spoke.  "I tried to feed him my blood, but I can't get him to swallow."

Rose rushed to the bed.  "Don't you worry darlin'.  You know Joe was a medic in the war.  I was a nurse for forty years.  We'll help.  I'll start the IV."

The nurse and the medic worked quickly and soon human blood was dripping into Angel's arm.  Spike didn't stop whispering to the older vampire.  He gently caressed his face and ran his fingers over Angel's arms and legs, hoping to awaken him with his touch.

After setting up the IV, Rose and Joe felt the vampire's body to find the extent of the broken bones.  They bathed and dressed all of the cuts.

Rose touched the younger vampire's arm as she spoke. "Spike, his legs are broken and one arm, but I'm worried that his spine has been damaged.  I don't really understand vampire healing."

"Everything will heal, but some things, like his spine, will take longer." Spike replied.

"Spike, I've brought a bag.  I'm staying for a while.  We need to keep the IV going and I need to be here if .if something happens."  Rose responded quietly.

Spike looked up at her sharply, his faced streaked with tears.

"I won't be in your way, darlin'.  I live alone so no one needs me.  Angel needs me and you do too.  You can't be alone in this."

Alone.  Spike thought about the battles that he and Angel had since the fight with the Senior Partners and their minions in the alley - arguments, tantrums over nothing; stupid snarking, harsh words flung at each other.  He began to tremble, giving in to despair.  He felt the bed move and warm arms surrounded him.  He looked up to see Rose's troubled face.

"He'll get better, Spike.  Angel is a strong man . vampire.  You'll give him your strength and he will heal.  I know it."

The older woman held him and rubbed his back while his body shivered with sadness and fear.  After a long while, the shaking stopped.  Spike had fallen asleep out of exhaustion and worry.  Rose laid him gently next to Angel and the younger vampire intuitively curled around his Sire's body. Rose sat in a rocking chair for the rest of the night and into the day saying her rosary.  She heard a voice and stood up.  Joe Jones had come with fresh human blood.  They replaced the IV.  Neither vampire awakened.

"You go home for a bit Rose.  Get something to eat and then come back.  All they have in this house is O positive."  Joe smiled at his friend.

The older woman had tears in her eyes.  "He has to heal Joe.  If he doesn't Spike will.he won't be able to."  She couldn't verbalize her painful thoughts.

*************************

Another day passed and another.  Spike could no longer be patient.  "I need to feed him, Rose.  Family blood is even more powerful than human."

He vamped and sliced his jugular vein with his fingernail.  The blood pumped powerfully from the open wound.  "Angel, I'm going to lift you up a bit so you can reach my neck."

Spike held him tightly rubbing his back.  After a few long moments, Angel began to suck.  He shivered and stopped.  Spike pulled away and looked down at him.  He slapped him slightly on the face.  "My blood is flowing Angel, and you're wasting it.  You will drink now!"

Angel's eyes fluttered open and a look of terror raced across his face.  He reached up toward Spike's face and whispered, his voice shaking.  "Spike, I can't see.  I can't see."

Spike started, but covered it up quickly.  "Well you got hit pretty hard on your head.  Prob'ly knocked somethin' loose.  More reason to drink now."

Spike bent his neck and pressed Angel closely until his mouth touched the bleeding wound in his neck.  Angel did nothing for a long moment and Spike began to panic.  Finally the older vampire began to suck deeply.

"That's it ponce.  This is payback for all the times you fed me."

Angel reached up to stroke his Childe's face, tears flowing from his unseeing eyes.  Tears sprung to the younger vampire's eyes but he blinked them away furiously.  Spike allowed Angel to drink until he began to feel a bit woozy.  "Okay.  That's enough for now."

He laid the injured vampire down and stood up but Angel grabbed his hand. "Spike, don't go."

"I'm goin' to get something to eat before I fall over since you just about sucked me dry.  I mean blood of course."

Spike laughed at the look on Angel's face.  The younger vampire put on his snarking persona knowing that if he did, Angel would relax a bit.  "You want one of your poncey CDs on?  I've got one here that says Deb.Debu."

Angel smiled for the first time.  "It's Debussey Spike.  You've chosen one of my most soothing poncey CDs."

"I can put it in your CD player or you can listen with your headset."  Spike replied, allowing himself a small smile.

"Hmmm, let me see.  How much do I want to torture you Spike?"  This time the older vampire actually smirked.

Spike laughed out loud.  "You're healing Angel if you have your snark on."

Angel fell asleep listening to Clair du Lune.  When he awoke, another voice spoke to him.

"Angel it's Rose.  Spike is lying down for a bit.  He has barely slept since your accident."  She reached out and took one of the vampire's hands in her warm one.

Surprise was clearly evident on Angel's face as Rose told him what had been happening while he had been unconscious.  He was amazed.  Stunned that these humans who had known him for so short a time, could care so much about him, despite what he was.  He held the woman's hand and fell back to sleep, tears glittering on his face.

Angel woke when he felt the bed dip.  He opened his eyes and reached out. The younger vampire leaned his face into the touch.  "Angel, you have two broken legs and a broken arm which are healing, but you may have hurt your spine.  Can you move your legs?"

Rose and Bill stood at the end of the bed holding their breath.  Spike bit his lip and watched the determination on his Sire's face.  He could tell that Angel was trying desperately to move.  Nothing happened.  Angel looked up at Spike through sightless eyes, his face a mask of fear.

"I can't Spike.  I can't move."

"It's all right.  You'll be able to soon.  You need to feed more.  Remember when I was paralyzed.  I got better."

Spike looked at Angel's face and could have bitten off his tongue.  Angel was remembering the return of Angelus to Sunnydale several years ago.  He squeezed the older vampire's hand.

"You're weren't yourself Angel.  You were crazed."

"There are so many things I regret.I"

"Bugger that Angel.  No brooding on my watch.  Past is past.  We each have things we're sorry for.  Not helpful to dwell."

Spike stood up and smirked lasciviously down at Angel, tracing his finger along the older vampire's neck, grinning broadly when Angel shivered.

"Hmmmmm.  You're at my mercy Angel.  I can do anything I want to that body of yours and I have several things in mind."  He laughed loudly at the look on his Sire's face.  "Be back in a bit."

Angel lay in bed stunned by Spike's comment.  He closed his eyes and remembered his brutality when Angelus erupted after he and Buffy made love. Spike had been paralyzed.  He couldn't run away, and Angelus used that to his advantage.  He cringed remembering raping his Childe over and over until he bled.  He recalled the numerous times he took Drusilla, forcing Spike to watch by putting wood in the spokes of his chair.  Once again tears crept down his face.  How can he stand to be near me?  Mr. Duffy's Irish brogue interrupted his thoughts and he pushed the horrific memories away, happy to listen to all of the gossip the man brought him.

"Okay food service is back."  Spike chirped from the side of the bed.  "Have to heal you.  You're too heavy for me to carry around.  Besides, my fans at Duffy's are clamoring for my lovely pipes."  He grinned, forgetting that Angel couldn't see.  His smile collapsed and he furrowed his brow, much like his Sire often did.

Angel closed his eyes tightly and grimaced.  Spike put a hand on his shoulder.

"Angel are you in pain.  What hurts?"

"What hurts?  My regrets.  My heart.  My soul.  Everything."  The older vampire whispered.

Spike sat on the bed and tenderly stroked his Sire's bruised face.  "Angel, you have to stop these thoughts.  Your body won't mend if your mind isn't at peace.  I know.  Mine almost drove me to suicide in that high school basement."

Angel leaned in to Spike's touch, but his bruised face was haunted.  Spike reached for his hand.  He turned it over and kissed the palm and spoke quietly.

"Angel, I've seen your kindness and your strength.  I've seen the best and the worst of you.  You try Angel.  You don't give up no matter how much evil is thrown at you.  Look how working with you changed your friends.  Cordelia was no longer a selfish princess.  Wesley was not a namby pamby watcher livin' under Giles' shadow.  You rescued Fred and gave her something important to do.  The same with Gunn and Doyle.  They all worked with you willingly.  They believed in your cause, and they believed you were worthy of their friendship.  They.they saw what I see.A good man with a huge heart."  He laughed softly.  "Even if it's not beating."

Angel was shocked.  He didn't think he had ever heard his Childe speak so much at one time.  He was deeply touched by his words.  "Spike, I.I'm sorry."

"For what?  And if you start cataloguing your faults I'll stuff a sock down your throat.  The slate is clean.  We go on from right now.  Got it?" Spike's voice was almost angry.  Angel didn't answer, but nodded and tried a small smile at Spike's tough talk.

The younger vampire sat on the bed.  He pulled Angel up his body so the larger man could reach his neck.  "Okay, now eat."

Angel nuzzled against Spike's neck and began to feed once more.  Spike rubbed his Sire's back.  They stayed like that for a long time.  Angel stopped feeding and he reached up to caress Spike's face.  He put his hand around his Childe's neck and drew him down touching his lips to Spike's. His soft kiss was returned with one of intense passion.  Spike pushed his tongue into Angel's mouth and the older vampire groaned.  Spike broke the contact and feathered gentle kisses over Angel's face and down onto his neck, making him quiver.

Spike laughed.  "Hah!  I've still got it!  Always could make you tremble Sire.  I knew it even when you tried so hard to hide it."

"You did much more than that Spike, much more."

"And I plan to do much more real soon, mate."  Spike answered smirking.

"And I shall be a willing participant."  Angel turned serious.  "At least the top part of my body will."

"You made a joke Angel!  Maybe you can get a comedy routine ready when we go back to Duffy's."

"You've still been singing right Spike?"

"No, took some time off.  My pipes needed a break and you needed care."

"You should go back now.  At least one or two nights each week. Your fans are missing you I'm sure.  I know Rose would stay if we asked her."

"We'll see."  Although Angel couldn't see him, Spike was grinning broadly. "I want to touch you Angel to see what you can move.  I know my dick could harden when I was in the wheelchair.  Let's see about yours."

He brushed his hand over the front on Angel's boxers.  The cock stiffened slightly in response.

"Can you feel this?"  Spike asked as he massaged the organ through the cloth.

"What are you doing?"  Angel reached for Spike's hand and realized where it was.  "Oh God Spike I can't feel anything!"

Spike was horrified by the look of fear on Angel's face.  There were only a few times that he had ever seen his Sire display that emotion.  He willed his own panic away.

"Okay Angel okay.  It's too soon.  It took me a while to use my legs again. But your dick is fine.  Hardened as soon as I began stroking it."  He intensified his ministrations and then grasped Angel's hand let him feel his engorged cock.

"Oh thank God it still works!"  Angel grinned.

Spike laughed but it was hollow.  He bit his lips trying to force his usual snarking bravado into his voice.  "So, plan on usin' it then?  What about the curse?"

Angel reached out for him, but Spike did not move closer.  The older vampire dropped his arm, hurt and confusion clouded his handsome face.

"Spike, I didn't know what the curse was when I.when Buffy and I slept together.  Now I know.  Do you really think I'd ever lose myself in perfect happiness again?  An innocent young girl loved me even though she knew what I was.  In that moment, I forgot what I was.  That will never happen again. Wes."

Spike interrupted.  "Think I'll go.I'll.there's laundry."  He finished lamely.

As he moved to leave, Angel sat up and reached out, grasping his shirt. "Spike, there is no perfect happiness, the cost is too high.  Neither of us wants Angelus to return.  We've both lost too much to have perfect happiness."  He sighed and continued, "Wesley told me most people make do with acceptable happiness.  I.I know.Spike, I can only have acceptable happiness with you."

Spike stared down at the man who had filled his life with powerful feelings - hate, anger, fear, and incredible love and devotion.  He moved toward Angel and the older vampire captured his hand, rubbing his fingers over the back, turned it over and kissing the palm.  He pulled him closer and put the younger vampire's hand on his hardened organ.  "You did this.  You.  Only you."  Angel smirked suddenly saying, "And you better not leave it like this!"

The two vampires burst out laughing.

"Well it sounds like quite a bit of healing is going on in here."  Rose said from the doorway.  "Interesting rehabilitation technique."  She smiled and left the room.

If vampires could blush, Spike and Angel would have had very red faces.  But they sputtered and laughed until happy tears streamed down their faces.

Finally the laughed subsided.  Spike glanced tenderly down at his broken friend.  He suddenly slid down and swallowed the stiffened member entirely, while massaging Angel's sack with his hand.

Angel's brow creased.  "Spike, what."

The cock tensed and erupted, seed rushing down the younger vampire's throat. Spike milked it until it softened.

"Spike.  Spike.  Did you just.I felt a little pressure."

Spike grinned up at his Sire, licking his lips at the taste he remembered from long ago.  "You'll be fine soon Angel.  Already mending.  Maybe we should keep doing this.  You know, work the muscles."

Angel smiled.  "I agree.  I can only feel a slight sensation, but perhaps if this is repeated often it will get stronger."  He fondled Spike's curls. "I.I like having you close Spike.  I always want you close."

Spike lifted Angel's hand to his lips and kissed the palm.  He moved up Angel's body and laid his head on the older man's chest.  Angel began to gently stroke Spike's back.  Soon both vampires were asleep in each other's arms.  Rose and Joe glanced at them from the doorway and smiled.

"Finally."  Rose whispered as they turned and left their friends in peace.

~Part: 10~

The next day when Angel awoke and opened his eyes, he could see shapes in a gray fog.  "Spike, Spike, I can see.  I can see."

The blonde vampire rushed into the room, Rose close behind him.  Angel reached out his hand, "I can see where you are Spike.  I can't see you clearly, but at least I'm not in the dark anymore."

Spike grinned but snarked, "Angel, you're a vampire; you're supposed to be in the dark!"

Rose hurried over to the bed and felt Angel's head.  "The swelling is almost gone.  That is releasing the pressure on your optic nerve.  By tomorrow you should see clearly."  Her kind face was beaming.

Bill Reilly walked into the room pushing a wheel-chair.  "What's all the hub-bub?"

Rose spoke excitedly.  "Angel can see shadows."

"That's great!  You'll enjoy what I've brought even more."

"What is that Bill?"  Angel asked.

"I've borrowed a wheel chair for you.  You won't need it very long I'm sure."

Spike noticed Angel's face clouding.  "This is perfect Angel.  I was going to sing tonight.  You can go with me."

Angel didn't answer for a long moment.  "I'm grateful Bill; I can use it around the cabin, so you all don't have to wait on me."  He paused and a look of sadness ran across his face.  "Spike, I can't come to Duffy's.  I.I don't want everyone to see me like this."

Spike knew he needed to put his snarky self on.  "Bollocks Angel, stuff that pride of yours.  You need to get out and I'm tired of answering everyone's questions about you.  Jenny Dawson's especially.  If ya don't want her comin' out here, you better come with me tonight."

Bill was shocked at Spike's remarks but Rose put her hand on his arm, shaking her head.  She was used to the way Spike talked to Angel and knew it was the best way to draw the older vampire out of his somber moods.

"Oh God, was she really going to come out here?"  Angel asked worriedly.

Spike answered in a testy tone. "Yes, you git.  I've been holdin' her off saying you were still unconscious, but I know she was getting ready to ride out here.  To give you her loving attention I expect."

Angel grinned.  "Has she worn that blue fuzzy sweater lately?"

"You mean the one that's so tight it's a wonder she can breathe?"  Spike responded getting more annoyed.

"Yes.  I've often wondered how soft it really was."  Angel laughed and reached out his hand to his Childe.  "I'm teasing Spike.  You do that to me all of the time.  I'll go with you tonight if it won't be any trouble.  But how are we going to carry the chair on your bike?  We don't have the jeep anymore."

"Well we don't have the jeep, but we have transportation.  Wait till you see it."  Spike replied and then could have kicked himself, worrying that Angel would lose his good humor being reminded that he couldn't see.

Angel smiled slyly at Spike. "Okay, I'll come with you.  Is my suede shirt clean?  Jenny told me I looked sexy in it."

"No it's not wanker.  Haven't taken it to the cleaners.  You'll have to wear somethin' else.  Maybe that big old flannel shirt."  Spike realized Angel was playing with him and was happy to continue the game.

Angel laughed again.  "That's too big and it's really ratty.  Not the thing to wear for my adoring public."

Bill and Rose had watched the banter fondly for a few minutes and then she drew the man out of the room and closed the door.

*************************

Later that evening, Spike wheeled Angel outside.  The older vampire squinted his eyes.  "Is that a convertible Spike?"

Spike grinned, happy that Angel's sight was becoming clearer.  "Yep, Jack had a friend who wanted to sell it.  It's a Plymouth, 1969.  But it's in beautiful condition."

"What color is it?"  Angel asked excitedly.  Spike didn't immediately answer.  "Spike, what color is it?"

"It's.it's yellow.but you can get it painted if you want."

Angel's face brightened and he laughed.  "Yellow huh?  That's perfect!"

Spike was surprised at Angel's reaction.  "Why is a yellow car perfect?"

Angel grinned mischievously. "Well you're always telling me to be more outgoing and a flashy yellow car will get me noticed.  I'll get lots of attention from chicks."

Spike bent down and growled against Angel's neck making the older vampire gasp.  "No chicks Angel.  Pheromones remember?  I'm the only small blonde that you'll be getting involved with.  Got it?"

Angel shivered and smiled.  "Got it."

*************************

There were a lot of cars in the parking lot of Duffy's.  Spike helped Angel into the wheel chair and then pushed him up the ramp.  He opened the door and then pushed the chair inside.

"Surprise!"  Everyone shouted.

Angel sat perfectly still and stared at the increasingly clearer shadows. Mr. Duffy rushed over.  "Everyone's here Angel.  This is your welcome back party."

Angel stiffened but smiled.  Spike bent down and whispered in his ear. "They wanted to do this Angel.  I tried to talk them out of it."

Angel nodded and squeezed Spike's hand.  Although he was embarrassed by all of the attention, he was touched that these humans cared so much about him. People kept coming up shaking his hand, wishing him well.

After a few moments, Spike whispered again.  "Gotta go sing.  You'll be okay?"  Angel tensed, never comfortable to be in the midst of a crowd.

Joe Jones took hold of the chair from Spike.  "Come on Angel.  Sit with the old crowd."

Angel smiled and relaxed, happy to sit with his friends in the back of the room.  The music started and soon Spike's voice filled the pub.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life hard
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender.
There will be no white flag above my door.
I'm in love and always will be.

I know I left too much mess and
Destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again.
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on..

I will go down with this with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender.
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.

For the rest of the evening Spike sang love songs, country, rock and roll, and tunes from World War II.  It was obvious to everyone that he was singing to Angel.  Several young women were very, very disappointed.

Angel was exhausted by the end of the evening.  Spike finished his final song and came over bending low to whisper.  "Ready to go?"

"God yes."  Angel responded quietly.

The younger vampire grabbed hold of the chair.  "Rose, we'll be fine tonight."

"I'm sure you will be."  The older woman said with a smile.

*************************

Although the older vampire's sight had returned, his legs were still paralyzed. Spike wheeled Angel into Duffy's the next two nights.  The third night Angel begged off, saying that he was really tired and that Rose was coming over.

"We're gonna watch Casablanca. I know you hate old movies Spike."

Spike hid his hurt and asked, "That the one where those two dudes go off in fog saying "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship?"

Angel stared open mouthed at the younger vampire.  "How."

"Watched it once with Giles when I was livin' there.  The tosser should've gone off with the bird.  Bugger that noble shit."  Spike remarked with a shrug, waved and left the cabin.

*************************

An hour or so later he was singing Bonnie Tyler's "It's a Heartache" when the door to the pub opened and Angel walked in.  Stunned, Spike stopped singing and everyone turned to look where he was staring.  Suddenly everyone in the place was clapping.  Spike came down from the stage and walked over, a huge smile on his face.

"I wanted to surprise you Spike."  Angel said returning his smile.

"When.how." The younger vampire sputtered.

Angel grinned.  "It was hard keeping the secret since you're always hovering around me." He winked. "I tried to stand when you were in the shower last night.  I was a bit wobbly but I knew I could walk if I could practice a bit.  I called Rose and she agreed to come pick me up tonight.  Happy?"

"Happy.  I'm thrilled.  Won't have to hover around you anymore.  Goin' out drinkin' with the guys again."  Spike was smirking as he spoke but gasped when Angel grabbed his wrist.  He spoke low so that only Spike's vampire hearing could understand.

"You. Will. Not. Go. Out. Drinking."  Angel bit out and then he laughed. "Unless you take me with you."

"Bit possessive aren't ya?  Now, go over with the old folks.  It's my turn to be the center of attention. Oh and you're gonna pay for keepin' the secret." Spike quirked his eyebrow, laughed and turned to go back onstage happy to hear Angel's response following him.  "Counting on it blondie bear."

*************************

With the last of the patrons leaving for the night, Angel watched from where he was standing behind the bar as Spike joked around with his fellow band mates.  His eyes honed in on the blonde as he had done all night.  He tried to remember when his feelings started shifting for his errant Childe. It began slowly but intensified after they traveled together to the Deeper Well to try to save Fred.  After the battle in the alley, they were the only ones left and though neither of them would have ever admitted it, they clung precariously to each other.  The real change occurred after they left LA. The road trip east had brought them closer, despite their snarky arguments and silly, selfish snits.  He smiled as he saw Spike turn around and wink at him.  He noticed then that it was just he and Spike left.  He had been so deep in his thoughts, he never saw Spike's friends leave.

He watched as Spike sauntered towards him.  God but he looked good.  He wasn't wearing his hair slicked back any longer.  It had grown quite a bit and it now curled on the ends.  He liked the look - the darker roots tipped with blonde.  He imagined himself running his fingers through it, pulling his head back so he could look directly into Spike's devastatingly radiant blue eyes.

He was startled out of his musings when he heard Spike calling his name. "Yo, Angel!"  He shook his head to clear it, and saw that Spike was standing in front of the bar.  Smiling sheepishly, "You said something?"

"Yeah, can I get something to drink?  I'm a bit parched."

"Sure, what do you want?"

"How 'bout a beer?  Where were you just now?  I called out your name a couple of times.  Not brooding again were you?"

Angel just laughed as he reached down and got a beer.  Spike grabbed it from his hands, hopped up on the bar, and spun around so that he was now facing Angel.  As he cracked the bottle open, Angel had moved down the bar wiping the spills.  Spike watched him as he took a few slugs from the bottle.

"I'm done for the night.  How 'bout you?"

"Yeah, I'll be done in a few minutes.  Just a few more things to do."

When Angel got within reach of Spike, he put the bottle down on the bar, reached out and grabbed Angel by his arm, yanking him between his spread legs.  Grasping a fistful of shirt, Spike pulled the surprised vampire towards him, leaning down to kiss him softly.  Both bodies trembled at the contact.  Spike brought the dark vampire closer by wrapping his legs around him and locking his ankles together, drawing Angel in tightly.  Raising his head, he looked into the chocolate brown eyes, seeing the same heat that he could feel in his own.  He released his hold on Angel and slid off the bar, still keeping Angel close to him.  "Good.  Hurry up.  I'm ready to go." Laying another kiss on Angel's lips, he walked away, grabbing his suede jacket that was behind the bar.  "I'm going outside for a smoke.  Don't take too long, 'kay."

Angel, his body still quivering from the kiss, softly mumbled "Okay," as he watched Spike stroll out into the cool night air, whistling a tune.

*************************

When Angel finished up, he grabbed his jacket and left the bar.  Locking the door behind him, he turned around and saw Spike leaning nonchalantly against his bike, smoking.  As he walked towards him, Spike flicked the still burning cigarette and grinned mischievously.

"Ready to go pet?"  He jumped onto the bike and started it up.  "Hop on and I'll take you for the ride of your life."

Smiling, Angel climbed on the bike behind the slender, supple body. Wrapping his arms around the slim waist, he nuzzled into the body seated in front of him.  He felt Spike shiver and he slid closer, tightening his hold, until his hardening groin was pressed against Spike's backside.

Revving the engine a few times, Spike tried to calm the excitement coursing through him at the feel of Angel pressed so closely against him.  Smiling in anticipation of the coming night, he sprayed gravel as the bike sped out of the parking lot.

Angel found the ride exhilarating - nothing like the ride with Spike on the Vespa when they were in Italy.  He understood now why Spike wanted a motorcycle so badly.  It was so different from riding in a car.  It was freeing, just as Spike said. Feeling the wind like fingers caressing your skin and tangling in your hair, and the bit of danger that came with riding a vehicle, out in the open, totally exposed.  Of course, he was sure it wouldn't have been as exciting if he were riding it by himself.  There was something definitely erotic in the way the machine vibrated beneath his body, all that horsepower between his legs, and the feeling of being tightly pressed up against the sinuous body he was gripping.  He felt Spike lean with the bike as he steered it around corners.  He knew he wasn't alone in his excitement when he felt Spike's body press back into his now fully erect cock.  He reached down with one of his hands, and cupped Spike's dick with his hand.  Like his own, the younger vampire's cock was hard, straining against the fabric of the denim.

Feeling a bit daring, Angel nuzzled again into Spike's slender neck, nipping at the scar he left there over 120 years ago.  As Spike tilted his head to the side just a bit, Angel popped a few buttons, opening the jeans slightly. When the younger vampire trembled, he moved his hand and grinning at Spike's lack of underwear, felt the part of the hard cock that was now exposed.  He wrapped his large hand around it, stroking it, all the while continuing to lick and nip at Spike's neck.

By the time Spike pulled the bike to a full stop in front of the cabin, both vampires were lost in a sea of lust and excitement that was coursing through their bodies.  Spike threw the kickstand down quickly, spinning around so he was facing the older vampire.  He drew up his legs as Angel's arms enveloped him and pulled him close.  Spike wrapped his lean legs around the larger vampire as he was pulled into his lap. Lips plundered lips, as each of them tried to devour the other.  They did not feel the nip in the air as they tore off their jackets; their attention focused only on the body before them.

Two pairs of hands were everywhere, touching, grasping, stroking.  It was as if each wanted to crawl inside the other - they just couldn't get close enough.  Separating suddenly, they stared at each other; panting heavily although neither needed to breathe.  Deep brown eyes locked onto cool blue ones.  Their lips mashed together again forcefully.  Spike tugged at Angel's shirt, coveting the feel of the cool skin beneath it.  Angel did the same - wanton desire fueling him on, fueling Spike on - a consuming passion neither had felt before - with each other or anyone else, and it shocked them both.

The bike was balanced precariously with only the kickstand holding it up. Angel dropped his feet to the ground to help balance the shaking bike.  He released Spike's mouth with a moan.  Reaching behind him, he unhooked the legs that were locked around him and got off the bike.  Spike quickly followed.  As soon as they both had feet planted firmly on solid ground, Angel reached for Spike encircling him with powerful arms. The younger vampire felt demanding hands cup his ass and lift him up until his hard, aching cock was pressed firmly against the thrusting organ before him. Again he wrapped his legs around Angel as hungry lips once again devoured (feasted on, engulfed) his own.  He tangled his fingers in the dark hair, as Angel carried him towards the cabin - up the steps to the front door.

When Spike felt the solid mass behind him, he reached down for the doorknob, thankful they hadn't had a need to lock it.  The door flung open.  As Angel stepped inside, he kicked the door shut with his foot, never releasing the hold he had on the writhing body in his arms.

*************************

Once inside, Angel spun around and crushed Spike up against the closed door. When he had something solid behind his back, Spike dropped his quivering legs to the floor.  As his feet made contact with the floor, his knees almost buckled as Angel continued the impassioned assault on his mouth.  The only thing that held him up was the strong body crushed to him.  Spike placed his hands on broad shoulders as Angel's questing mouth moved to his neck, shoulders, and finally latched onto the hardened nipple protruding from the thin material of his t-shirt.  Spike thrust his chest forward yearning for every touch.

Angel continued to move down until he was at the waistband of Spike half-opened jeans.  Pulling the t-shirt from the confines of the pants, he slipped roaming hands under the thin material.  As Angel stood back up, he brought the shirt up with him, removing it completely and tossing it way carelessly.

Taking Spike's mouth again, he ran one hand down the lean body, cupping the pulsating organ with his hand and rubbing it through the thick denim.  Spike thought for sure his legs were going to give out.  Reaching down, he released Angel's shirt from his pants.  He had to get his hands on the bare skin, needed to feel it against his own over stimulated flesh.  When he had the shirt free of the jeans, he pushed Angel away from him slightly.  Angel looked at him questionably, confusion marring his handsome features. Grinning, Spike started unbuttoning the shirt, but his hands were shaking so badly it was almost impossible.

"Fuck it!!!"  He ripped the shirt open, listening to the sound of the buttons as they scattered across the floor.  He tore it from the glistening body before him, letting it fall to a heap on the floor at their feet. Spike moved down Angel's trembling form, leaving behind a trail of moisture as his tongue slid effortlessly along the slick skin.  Down he went until he was crouched in front of Angel's hard cock.  He could see it straining against the fabric.  He felt hands in his hair as he reached for the button, snapping it open.   The only sound in the room was their harsh breathing, and then the sound of the zipper being pulled down, slowly releasing Angel's throbbing cock inch by inch from the confines of the denim and the silk boxers.  Spike licked his lips and leaned in, running the point of his tongue along the length of the shaft, pausing at the tip to lick some of the pre-come.  He closed his eyes as the salty flavor hit his taste buds. Somewhere above him he heard a groan as hands reached for him, dragging him up the quivering body in front of him.  Large hands gripped his, pulling them up over his head and pinning them to the door behind him.

Shifting his hold so he could free one hand, Angel reached down and pinched one of the protruding nubs while he attacked the column of Spike's neck with his mouth and tongue.  He moved his hand down and popped the rest of the buttons, opening Spike's jeans.  His cock burst forth.  Angel gripped it with his large hand, stroking it and using the pre-come as lubrication.  It pulsed in his hand.  Spike tilted his head to the side, giving Angel better access to his neck.  He tried to say something, but couldn't find the words.

He felt a cool puff of air against his ear as Angel ran the tip of his tongue along the rim, following the contour, biting the fleshy lobe.

"God, Will.I want you.I want to devour you and fuck you until you scream. Will.I need you."

Spike managed to clear the passion induced fog from his mind, replying "Not Will.Spike."

Angel was so carried away need that he didn't hear Spike's soft plea. "Please Will.need you now."

Spike felt like he had been doused with a bucket of cold water.  He freed his arms from Angel's hold and pushed him away.  He looked at Angel with hurt etched on his face, warring with the passion that was now ebbing.

"What.what's wrong Will?"  Angel looked at Spike confused.

"I'm not Will."  Spike hissed, a trace of disappointment coloring his words. "I'm Spike.  Say it!"

"I know you're Spike."

"Then why don't you say you want Spike.not Will?"

Still not comprehending what was wrong, he reached for Spike, only to have his hands batted away.  He tried to step closer to him, but Spike reached out with an arm and held him at bay.

"Who do you really want Angel?  Will or Spike?"

"Will.Spike.?  What are you talking about?"

Hurt more than he could have ever imagined, he reached down and buttoned his jeans.  "Fuck.should have known this wouldn't work.  It's not me you want. You want Will, compliant, adoring Will, not me, Spike, your equal.  I'm sorry Angel, but I can't be Will.  Haven't been him in a long time."

Stunned, Angel watched as Spike turned and raced up the steps and disappeared into the loft, leaving him standing totally bewildered in the room below.

~Part: 11~

Angel stood there for several minutes unable to grasp exactly what had just happened.  He kept looking towards the stairs, hoping Spike would come back down.  When that didn't happen, he ran his hands through his disheveled hair. "Dammit!"  Buttoning and zipping up his jeans, he ran up the stairs. Coming to a halt in the empty room, he looked around frantically, until he noticed the open doors leading out onto the roof.  Treading quietly, he called Spike's name.  No response answered his call, but he knew Spike was out there.  He could see smoke wafting through the slowly brightening night sky.  As he stepped outside, he saw the younger vampire standing there, looking out over the lake.

"Will." He stepped closer, feeling Spike's slim body stiffen as he took him into his arms.

Slipping out of the powerful arms trying to hold him, he walked to the other side of the narrow roof.  "Bugger off Angel!  Just leave me alone."

"Come on Will.  Talk to me.  I don't understand what happened downstairs. Why did you run away?"

"God Angel!  Even I can't believe you're that dense."  He flicked the remains of his cigarette off the ledge and watched the glowing ember fall to the ground below.  He looked over at Angel, at the confusion etched on his face.  "You really don't know or understand.  Do you?"

The older vampire offered an uncertain smile. "Truthfully?"  Spike nodded. "No I don't, and I wish you'd explain it to me."

Spike sighed; disappointed that Angel couldn't figure it out and not sure if he really wanted to explain it to him.  He backed up when he saw Angel approach him.  He put his arm out, "Stop right there."  Angel paused at Spike's harsh demand.

Still confused, he looked at Spike.  "Will.please."

"Bloody hell Angel, would you quit calling me that?"

"Call you what?  Will?  Why?"

"Buggering hell! Because that's not who I am.  Don't you get it?  I told you downstairs, I haven't been Will in a long time.  I'm Spike, but I guess you don't see that.  You want your simpering Childe, 'Will,' not me, Spike."  He emphasized 'Spike' with a thump to his chest.  He shook his head sadly. "Should have known it was too good to be true.  How could I have thought you.that finally, you wanted me."

"I do want you, W.Spike."

"That's not what you were saying a few bloody minutes ago.  It was all 'I want you Will, I need you Will.'  A few weeks ago you even said, 'It's not about dominance Will.'  I mean bollocks, Angel.  I've seen you bristle every time someone refers to you as Angelus.  Hell, you glared daggers at me when I did.  Why do you think I called you that?  I knew it infuriated you.  Do you ever hear me say 'I want you Angelus?'  No you don't, because I don't want that son of a bitch.  Spike paused and his voice wavered slightly.  "I want you, Angel."  He reached out and touched the broad chest to emphasize his point.  "Only you, Angel.always you."  His words faded as he dropped his head in defeat, his voice softening into a whisper.  "But I guess I'm not what you want, and I can't be what you want.  I can't be Will."

Angel's heart was breaking at the anguish in Spike's voice, the sound of total defeat and hopelessness.  Reaching for him, he was relieved when Spike didn't try to pull away again.  He drew him in, enveloping the smaller man in his strong arms, laying his head on the top of Spike's, and kissing his hair as he spoke quietly.  "What you fail to understand Spike, is that you are Will; you've always had him inside of you, no matter how hard Angelus tried to beat him out of you.  When you were turned, you never fully let go of William; he is your humanity."

Spike looked up at Angel, tears glistening the outer edges of his eyes.  He opened his mouth to say something, but Angel stopped him by gently placing a finger on his lips.  "No, listen and let me explain.  It was Will who loved Drusilla, but Spike that protected her so fiercely.  It was Spike and Will combined that came to Sunnydale to seek a cure for her.  It was Spike who nearly killed me to heal her.  It was Will that was hurt so badly when Angelus tried to show you that she didn't belong to you.  It was Spike that battled furiously against me through the years.  It was Will who loved Dawn and Buffy, and Spike that protected them.  It was Spike that burst from that amulet and fought me with everything he had last year; forced me to really look at myself and what I was doing.  Don't you see?  It's Will and Spike blended together that make you who you are.  It is both that I need - Will and Spike."

Seeing that Spike wasn't getting what he was saying, he dropped a kiss to his lips.  "It's Spike that nags and berates me when I brood or feel sorry for myself or act like a.like a prat.  Other than Cordy, you are the only one who will do that.  I need you to kick me in the ass every now and then.to get me to fight back and not give up; to get me to really see what is going on.  It is Will who coaxes me out of my despair with loving tenderness.  I need all of that from you.  I need Will and Spike.  Without you.without you.I know.I could never go on.  It.it took me a while to realize it, but it's true Spike."  The older vampire's face showed the worry this argument had caused as he stood rigid, his hands clenched at this side, fearful that the younger vampire had been too hurt to believe his explanation.

"A while?!  Bloody hell, Angel!  It took forever!!"

Spike turned away from Angel.  He sat down on the roof's edge dangling his legs over the side.  Taking out his cigarettes, he lit one and began to smoke, silently staring at the sky.  Angel stood for long moments, hoping that Spike would talk to him; forgive him.  Disheartened, he sighed and went inside and slowly walked downstairs and into his bedroom.  Sitting in the chair next to his bed, he held his head in his hands, cursing his insensitivity toward W.Spike, his inability to understand people, and his devastating talent to hurt everyone who cared about him.  He didn't know how long he sat, but he realized that the darkness was quickly fading and Spike was out on the roof!  Angel rushed up to the loft and stepped out onto the roof.  Spike was leaning against the house with his eyes closed, smoking.

Angel didn't move toward him but spoke quietly. "Spike.I.I'm sorry.  I am dense.  I'm not as intuitive as you are.  And.and I'm so confused about my own feelings, that I ignore the feelings of everyone around me.  I don't ever want to hurt you again.  Never."

Spike spoke without turning his head.  "Better not make a promise you can't keep, Angel.  People hurt each other all the time even when they don't mean to."

Finally, Spike looked over at Angel surprised by the raw emotion he saw on his face.  He tossed his cigarette away and walked toward the older vampire. They stared at each other for a long minute and then Spike's lips twitched.

"Just have ta point out all your faults, peaches.  Help ya work on 'em. I'll be your guru."  The younger vampire grinned to take the sting out of his words.  He reached up to touch Angel's face, drawing him down for a tender kiss.  The larger vampire's body relaxed and he leaned into Spike. That kiss released the pent up passion within each vampire and their bodies trembled in anticipation.

Angel broke the kiss reluctantly.  "Just so we're clear.this is NOT dominance, Spike.  We're equals."  Angel held his breath, waiting for Spike's reaction.never knowing what he'd get from his mercurial Childe.

Spike grinned and taunted, "Okay.equals, but right now I'm in charge!"

Knowing Angel the way he did, Spike knew, without a doubt, that his Sire would give him a long lead before he'd take the control back.  That was fine with him.  Just knowing Angel meant what he said was all he needed.  Half the fun, of course, was seeing how far he could push the man who had dominated his life for so many years.  Tonight wasn't the night for them to be equal.  Tonight he wanted to know that someone wanted him.needed him. They would explore the equal portion of this new relationship later.

Angel turned and started walking into Spike's room until he felt his body being yanked back.  He grabbed for Spike's body as they collided together.

With a gleam in his eyes, Spike asked, "Where ya going pet?"

"Inside.don't you."  Before he could even finish that sentence, he was pushed back and unceremoniously fell down onto a very comfortable chaise lounge that Spike had commandeered from the deck below.  As his body sunk into the soft cushions, he heard Spike telling him to scoot back and get comfortable.  As he did, he saw that Spike had moved to the foot of the chaise.

"Comfy?"  He asked with a sexy grin and a wink.

"Very.why don't you join me?"  Angel held out his hand for Spike.

He frowned when his invitation wasn't accepted.  Dropping his hand, he looked at his Childe, his pale skin glowing in the shimmering moonlight.  He watched as Spike dropped to his knees and crawled up the length of the chair.  Angel's eyes widened at the scene playing out before him.  Spike looked like a big cat on the prowl, and he was the prey.  Angel lay there, every nerve in his body twitching in anticipation of what was happening - that any moment Spike would pounce and devour him.  And how he wanted to be devoured by him.  Angel swallowed hard as Spike paused between his spread legs.

"Remember pet, I'm in charge."  He grinned as he watched the reaction in his Sire's eyes.  Spike stretched out and laid his body down on Angel's, covering him like a blanket.  Angel's skin tingled at the feel of skin against skin.  Spike slid up, forcing their cocks to rub together. He rocked a few times, smirking down at him as Angel shivered at the sensation.  The friction from Spike's movement and the silk and denim encasing his dick sent blood rushing into his groin, hardening him quickly. The organ throbbed almost painfully and he groaned, reaching for Spike.

Spike eluded his grasp.  Shaking his head, he said hoarsely, "None of that luv." Angel hissed as Spike started massaging his groin with his own. Seeing Angel acquiesce to his order turned Spike on more than he thought it would.

Sliding up, he ran his tongue along his bare chest.  He brushed his lips against the older man's neck and continued up until he captured the quivering lips in a toe-curling kiss.  The frenzy that dominated them earlier was gone.  It had been replaced with the desperate need to take it slowly, savoring every moment that was to come.

Spike started to move down, making sure not to miss an inch of Angel's exposed flesh.  Goosebumps appeared on the skin he was worshipping, and shallow pants replaced steady, although unnecessary, breathing.

Angel tried to grab for Spike, wanting to feel his lips upon his own, but all he caught was a fistful of hair.  Spike raised his head and looked up at Angel, "Tsk, tsk, tsk." He smiled at the glazed look on the older vampire's handsome face.

Lowering his head once again, he continued his trek down over the sinewy abs until he reached the top of Angel's jeans.  Therein laid his prize tonight.

Slowly, he popped the single button and lowered the zipper.  Parting the material, he could see the bulge that was now only restrained by the thin material of the silk boxers that Angel favored.  Urging him to lift up, Spike slipped the denim over Angel's hips, down over his muscular thighs. He continued until they were completely removed.  Getting back to his knees, he tossed them carelessly aside.

With heated brown eyes watching him intently, Spike got off the chaise and stood at Angel's feet.  Never taking his eyes from the panting figure lying in front of him, Spike ran his fingers through his hair.  Resting one hand on his shoulder, he let the other travel down his neck slowly, never pausing, continuing down, caressing one nipple and then the other.  He stood there, his body vibrating with need; his blue eyes never leaving glittering brown ones, as he pinched and pulled on one hardened nub.

While he played with his nipple, his other hand left his shoulder and wandered sensuously across his chest, tracing lightly over the nub being ignored.  He inched downward, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. Popping the top button, he reached for the next one, and then paused.  He slowly lowered his hand until he reached the bulge straining beneath the fabric.  Licking his lips erotically, he fondled his groin using the rough denim to create a tantalizing friction.

Hearing a desperate moan come from the figure lying on the chaise, Spike raised his head and his lips twitched as he watched Angel's heated eyes gaze down at him provocatively.  While he continued rubbing himself through the denim, he brought his other hand down and started popping the remaining buttons.  As each button was opened, more and more of Spike's hard cock was revealed, until finally the engorged organ burst free of its confines.  He took it in one hand and began stroking the shaft slowly, seductively; running his finger over the tip and swiping up some of the creamy fluid that was leaking out.  Bringing his finger up to his mouth, he licked the pre-cum off with this tongue.

Returning his hand to his cock, he stroked it a few more times, never taking his eyes off Angel.  The older vampire's eyes fluttered closed as his trembling hand stretched toward his own erection.  He grasped it and massaged it gently, groaning softly, thrashing his head back and forth, craving release. The older vampire shuddered and opened his eyes to see Spike standing mesmerized, watching him get himself off.  He smirked slightly, his brown eyes never wavering from Spike as he stroked himself and started making small thrusts into his fist.

Spike placed a hand on either side of his jeans and slowly worked them down over his lean hips.  Turning around, he pulled them down until the pale globes of his ass were fully exposed to Angel's view.  Bending over further, he pushed the material down past his thighs.  Wriggling his ass slightly, he grasped the hem of each leg and ripped the jeans off completely.  Turning back around, he stood there, totally naked, jeans dangling from one finger. He grinned and winked before finally tossing them to the ground.

Spike returned his hand to his cock and joined in Angel's beating rhythm. He opened his mouth and his tongue flicked out to moisten his lips.  Still stroking himself, Spike dropped to his knees between Angel's slightly bent legs.  Releasing his erection, he crawled toward Angel, pausing when he reached the larger vampire's stiffened cock.  Sensing his closeness, Angel opened his eyes, and Spike gasped at the intensity of the emotion burning in them.  As Angel removed his hand, Spike dropped his head and took the tip into his mouth.

Slowly, he took the member farther into his mouth until his face was nestled in the wiry hairs.  He greedily inhaled the musky scent of the older vampire.  Wrapping his hand around the base, he brought his head back up until he reached the tip.  He swiped his tongue across the slit, gathering up more of the fluid and swallowing it.  Looking up at Angel, he went back down again, this time tightening his mouth around the shaft and twirling his tongue around the hardness.  As Spike continued sucking on Angel, he started stroking himself.

He felt hands grasp his shoulders and try to pull him up, away from the cock.  Spike growled low at Angel, his mouth vibrating around the organ.  He was surprised when Angel growled back.  Lifting his head, he stared into Angel's dark eyes, shivering at the need he saw there.  He allowed Angel to drag him up his body.  The older vampire placed a hand behind Spike's head drawing it down until their lips met.  He thrust his tongue past the younger vampire's unresisting lips as he thrust his hips up.  The kiss deepened when Spike ground down and cock touched cock.  Without releasing Spike's mouth, Angel reached down to grab his writhing cheeks, kneading them, pulling the slender body closer.

Spike finally broke the kiss this time, panting harshly.  "Angel."

As he gazed up at Spike, Angel felt the heat radiating from his eyes, knowing his own answered the passion.  As he struggled to sit up, Spike tried to move off his body.  Growling again, Angel wrapped the younger vampire's legs around his waist.  Spike quirked his eyebrow and grasped his arms around Angel's neck, one hand tangling in the soft waves of his hair. He dropped his mouth and licked and nipped the larger vampire's full lips. Angel stood up, holding tightly onto Spike, and carried him back inside the loft.  Spike giggled into the broad chest at the feeling of Angel's dick slapping against his ass.  He stopped laughing when he felt the sting of Angel's large hand on his ass.

"Hey!"  He squeaked in mock anger.

Reaching the end of the huge bed, Angel dumped the smaller vampire onto the covers.  Spike scooted immediately toward the head of the bed and reached underneath one of the pillows.  Bringing his hand out, he tossed something to Angel.  The larger vampire caught it and grinned when he saw what was in his hand.  Grabbing Spike by an ankle, he pulled him back down to the foot of the bed.  Flicking open the tube, Angel held his hand over the base of Spike's cock, squeezing the cold gel and watching it slide down between the crease of Spike's ass.

"God that's cold!"  Spike's yelped.

Climbing on the bed between Spike's legs, Angel grinned mischievously.  He reached down with one hand and rubbed it into the crevice.  "Well then, let me warm it up for you."  As he spread it over the opening, he slipped in one finger in, then another.  Spike dropped to his back, reaching for one of the pillows and placing it under his head.  As Angel prepared him, Spike started moving against his fingers.  "MMMMM, God, feels so good.  Been too long.More Angel.please."  Angel watched mesmerized as Spike fucked himself on his fingers.

Removing his fingers, Angel sat back. Spike looked up at him puzzled.

"Spike, I.I know it's been a long time for.for this, I don't want to hurt you."

Tears glistened in the blue eyes looking up at him.  Spike reached up and placed a palm on Angel's strong chest.

"I don't think my body has ever forgotten you Angel."  He smirked and winked.  "Besides, you always liked virgins, so if I'm tight, I'll hear you scream in ecstasy.  I like having power over you, peaches."

Angel coated his engorged cock with slick.  He grabbed the writhing vampire beneath him by each ankle, and placed Spike's legs over his shoulders.  He pushed forward, bending Spike in two, as his weeping cock slid into Spike slowly.  Watching Spike closely to detect any pain, Angel pushed in gently, inch by inch until he was fully embedded in the slender body.

Spike reached for Angel and brought his head down until their lips met.  As Angel started moving, the kiss got deeper.  Tongue fought against tongue, skin slid against skin.  Angel quickened his thrusts.  He moved his mouth first to Spike's ear, biting on the fleshy lobe before moving to his thin, pale neck.  Both vampires were breathing heavily now.  Angel paused and reached for a pillow.  He put it under Spike and lowered his legs.  The younger vampire stared in confusion.

"Remember? It isn't about dominance." Angel was pressed tightly to Spike as he rode him hard.  Spike grabbed the covers, fisting them in his hands as his cock was being stroked by Angel's slick body.

Angel covered Spike completely with his body and continued to move into him. He nestled his head in the crook of his Childe's shoulder.  Latching onto the mark he put there so many years ago, he drew it into his mouth and sucked.  Angel heard Spike moan and felt his cock twitch beneath him.  As he fucked Spike, he made sure to hit his prostate with every thrust.  Spike was keening loudly.  Angel felt Spike's mouth against his neck.  He was panting furiously now and growled when he felt Spike's teeth scrape against his skin.  Timed perfectly like synchronized swimmers, both vampires bit down at the same time, fangs tearing into flesh.  As soon as the fangs sunk into the willing flesh, both of them came hard.

Still joined to together, Angel slowed his movements, but didn't stop. Spike clung tightly to him.  Both vampires continued to suck the blood from the wounds each had made, as they both came again.

After they both came down from their orgasmic highs, Angel slid out of Spike.  He rolled off his body and the smaller vampire groaned at the separation.  Angel moved up the bed, dragging Spike with him until his head was resting on one of the pillows.  Reaching for the blanket at the foot of the bed, he covered them, pulling Spike close to him.  They lay there gazing at each other for long moments until they both closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.

*************************

Angel opened his eyes, suddenly disoriented as he felt a body crushed against him. After a moment he remembered.  Sex with Spike.  Sleeping with Spike.  He lay still recalling their fight and his insensitive stupidity. Spike was far more forgiving than he deserved. He sighed and disentangled himself from the slight body next to him.  He crept quietly out of bed and downstairs.  Grabbing fresh underwear he hurried into the shower, hoping the scalding water would ease the tension in his muscles.  Would he be able to be himself and not worry constantly that he would say or do the wrong thing? He was often thoughtless and selfish.  The shower did not soothe his body or his mind.  Angel got out of the shower, toweled himself dry and put on his boxers.  He walked out of the bathroom and stood listening.  Everything was quiet.  Spike was still asleep.  He walked into the kitchen, took blood bags from the refrigerator and poured them it into two mugs.  He put his into the microwave.  When it pinged he took it out and walked toward the glass doors of the deck.  He slid them open.  Even though his body temperature remained constant, he could smell the oncoming winter cold and he unconsciously shivered.

"Are you nuts? Standin' in the open door in your underwear.  You'll be getting' the flu next and I'll have to make ya a hot toddy."  Angel spun around to see Spike's smirking face.

"Um.Spike.  Hi. I.your blood is in the mug in front of the microwave.  I'll heat it for you."  The older vampire turned quickly to the counter and busied himself with heating the blood.

The younger vampire's face fell.  "Thanks.  I'll go get dressed."  He hurried back upstairs and put on his only pair of sweats and some socks.  He grabbed his CD player and walked slowly back downstairs.  Angel handed him his blood.

"Thanks."

They looked at each other uncertainly and Spike walked away to sit on the sofa.  He turned on the TV, set up his one of his video games and quickly became engrossed.  Angel walked over and sat at the far end of the sofa, watching Spike fiercely pressing the buttons.

"So, what's the purpose of the game?"

Startled, Spike turned to stare at Angel. "Purpose?  Domination I 'spect. Bein' the only one left standin' after everyone else."

"Kind of like us then."  Angel replied.

Spike grinned. "Then you should be good at this then.  Here, take this controller."

Angel looked almost terrified.  "I don't.what do I do?"

Spike tried to instruct Angel on the strategies necessary to be a reasonably successful video game aficionado. The older vampire was not very adept.  His large fingers kept slipping from the buttons he wanted to press onto others and he never lasted longer than a few minutes. Spike was in hysterics at Angel's ineptitude and he couldn't concentrate.  For the next few hours, the vampires cursed and laughed as they tried to master the video game. Fingers stiff and sore, they finally gave up.

"Want to watch a movie ponce? How about that one with the French dude and the tough guy walking into the fog?"

"Do you mean Casablanca?"  Angel asked incredulously.

"Yea.  Find the DVD, I'll make some popcorn."

Spike returned with a big bowl of fresh popcorn.  He settled on the couch next to Angel, and dug into it while Angel clicked play on the remote. About a quarter of the way into the movie, Spike laid down, putting his head in Angel's lap and resting the bowl on his chest.  As they watched the movie, Angel's hand moved down and started playing with his hair.  The younger vampire closed his eyes at the feel of the hands in his hair.  If he's had been a cat, he would have been purring right about now.  Spike looked up at Angel, but his eyes were glued to the movie.  Spike sighed as he turned his attention back to the TV.  Angel looked down and smiled, more content than he had ever been.

Angel watched the movie with new eyes thanks to Spike's frequently snarking comments. After a few minutes of total silence about toward the end of the film, he glanced over at the younger vampire.  Spike had fallen asleep. Angel smiled at his Childe, sprawled on the end of the sofa. He looked at Spike's uniquely beautiful face with its sharp cheekbones; his light brown curls falling ungelled onto his brow. He stood up and reached for the afghan draped over the back of the sofa and covered Spike gently so as not to wake him.  He watched the end of the film and then turned off the television.  He stood for long moments watching Spike sleep and then turned and walked into his bedroom.

Angel suddenly awoke, feeling weight on his body.  He looked down and saw Spike, sound asleep, curled next to him, one arm flung across his chest.  He must have awakened on the sofa and instead of going up to his own room, he came to Angel's bed.  The older vampire gently caressed the back of Spike's hand with his fingers and fell back to sleep, unhaunted by mad dreams and loneliness.

*************************

The next night, the vampires went to Duffy's together.  This was Angel's first night back to work.  They talked to all of their friends and then Spike went up on stage and Angel went behind the bar.

The younger vampire spoke to the crowd.  "Angel's back everybody.  He's all better!"

Everyone broke into applause and turned to stare at Angel who smiled weakly and attempted a glare at the younger vampire but could not hide the twinkle in his eyes.

The band began to play and Spike's voice filled the room.

In your arms I can still feel the way you
Want me when you hold me.
I can still hear the words you whispered
When you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms.

And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way
And there ain't now how
I'll never see that day.

'Cause I'm keeping you forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every morning
To your sweet face..

Mmmmmm, baby
In your heart-I still hear a beat
For every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart.

And there ain't no way
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way
And there ain't no how.
I'll never see that day

In your eyes --- I can still see the look of the one
I can still see the look of the one
Who really loves me.
I can still feel the way that you want
The one who wouldn't put anything
Else in the world above me
I can still see love for me
I can still see love for me in your eyes
I still see the love.

And there ain't no way
I'm letting you go now
And there ain't now way
And there ain't no how.
I'll never see that day
I'm keeping you forever and for always
I'm in your arms.

Throughout the song Spike looked at the man behind the bar and the patrons watched as they listened.  Those who came often to Duffy's had noticed the electricity between the two men, but when Spike sang this song and stared at Angel, the current ratcheted up several notches.  Rose, Bill, Joe and Mr. Duffy smiled and nodded to each other, happy that their friends had finally admitted their love for each other.

*************************

A few weeks later, the vampires were sitting outside on the deck.

"Wonder when it'll snow?  Mr. Duffy says it snows a lot around here.  The lake is already frozen at the edges. Haven't seen snow in a long, long time."  Spike remarked.

"Me neither.  Oh.except that time in Sunnydale when the First tried to make me kill myself."  Angel replied softly.

"Heard about that.  It took the shape of that teacher and made you see things from your past right?"

"Yeah.  Had some of my victims appear and tell me.tell me how horrible I was.  As if I needed to be told."  Angel's voice fell to a whisper.

"Gotta figure you were a threat to it Angel, to go to that much trouble." Spike said grabbing the older vampire's hand.  "Sides.  It finally made those Powers that whatsit get off their asses and do something.  Buffy said she had been thinkin' they had abandoned her; weren't watchin' what was goin' on."

Angel didn't answer but Spike felt him stiffen at the slayer's name.

"It's haunted me since I heard it."  Spike said quietly.

"What?"  Angel asked.

"That you were gonna stand there and let the sun burn you.  When we fight and I storm off and come back, and you're not here, I'm.I'm afraid that you've done that."

Angel got up from his chair and knelt beside Spike enfolding him in his arms.

"I thought about it.  I was so lonely.  I didn't think I could live all alone again.  I was afraid you wouldn't come back to me."

Spike kissed Angel.  His voice husky, he said, "Let's go inside."

*************************

When the vampires woke the next afternoon, it seemed deathly quiet.  They got up and looked out of the window.  Their world was covered in a blanket of white.  Like children, they put on coats and hurried outside, trudging through the snow down to the lake, now almost completely frozen.  They stood allowing the icy flakes to fall on them, wondering at the beauty of the snow and the peace they felt.

"Like St. Petersburg, innit?"  Spike asked.

Angel smiled at his lover.  "Just hold my hand."

"Always."

THE END

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